Urbanized Dolphin

“Leaving Las Vegas”

Life springs eternal
On a gaudy neon street
Not that I care at all
I spent the best part of my losing streak
In an Army Jeep
For what I can’t recall
Oh I’m banging on my TV set
And I check the odds
And I place my bet
I pour a drink
And I pull the blind
And I wonder what I’ll find

I’m Leaving Las Vegas
Lights so bright
Palm sweat, blackjack
On a Saturday night
Leaving Las Vegas
Leaving for good, for good
I’m leaving for good
I’m leaving for good

Used to be I could drive up to
Barstow for the night
Find some crossroad trucker
To demonstrate his might
But these days it seems
Nowhere is far enough away
So I’m leaving Las Vegas today

I’m standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win

I quit my job as a dancer
At the Lido Des Girls
Dealing blackjack until one or two
Such a muddy line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do

I’m leaving Las Vegas
And I won’t be back
No I won’t be back
Not this time

Without you, I’m as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even though I don’t know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together. I swear, I’ll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I’ll clean the toilet every week. I’ll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words “hooters” and “love rockets” from my vocabulary. I’ll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it “May May”. I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I’ll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won’t buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a witch with a capital B. And your folks don’t have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I’ll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I’ll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on my makeup. If you’re a cat person, I’ll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can’t. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like “Pride and Prejudice”. I’ll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won’t curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say “yes” when you ask, “Is my hair looking okay tonight?” I’m gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word “cuddle”. I’ll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I’m gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I’ll actually write you real letters when we’re apart. I’m never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I’ll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you’ll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I’ll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you’ve ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die.

zzz… snorks… zzz… you like a little snootchie bootchie huh? zzz… Angel Locsin youre a total slut aren’t you huh…

That’s me sleep talking while dreaming sexual fantasies that will never ever happen.

Kablagag!

That’s reality waking me up before I go Rico Yan Mode. It’s my granny (my sweet Lola) banging may pad’s door as she enters. Normally my alarm clock would wake me up and I’ll find Lola’s-made breakfast spread on my dining table (she’s pretty sneaky, Ninja Lola). The usual Hotdogs, eggs and whole wheat bread.

But this day is different. Lola is on one of her hypertensive fits. It’s “gonna be a bad day” day.

Snoopy is right… in life some mornings are meant to be crappy.

Whapack… THUD THUD!

Nope. That’s not Lola’s ass hitting my cheaply done linoleum floor after tumbling off while traversing my thrash and dirty laundry clattered floor… It’s her angry fist beating my bedroom’s door. Yes this senile overbearing but loving 72 year old sweet granny of mine can pack a mean wallop.

“LOWE! LOWE! TUMAYO KA NA DIYAN TINAMANANG…!”

thanks for the wake up call and good morning to you too Lola.

Quickly, I got out of bed and opened the door. Instantly an artillery of in-your-face moral ethics suppository missiles disguised as words bombards my ears.

“Anu yung nabalitaan ko? BOMBA daw ang ginagawa mo sa opis!?! mana ka talaga sa tatay mo! Malaswa kayo pareho! Mag resign ka na! Kasalanan niyang ginagawa mo. Hindi ka na nga nagsisimba, ganyan pa hanap buhay mo?!? Wala ka na bang DIYOS?!? Kasalanan iyang ginagawa mo!!!

I tilted my head and said… “Di ba dialogue ni Nida Blanca yan kay Dina Bonnevie sa pelikula? Tang ina anu ba title nun?”

My lola quickly replied “Tanga, si Jay Manalo nagsabi nun kay Aubrey Miles sa pelikulang prosti.”

“Weh?” What does she know…

“Kumain ka na! Malaswa kang bata ka. Ayan ang hotdog at pandesal kainin mo na” she said while sweeping my floor. As my Lola left I contemplated my sinner status while I splurge on hotdogs and eggs.

My spangkinly sweet neurotic granny is right. I’m a churchless sinful prick and Nida Blanca didn’t say anything remotely religious to Dina Bonnevie (her line was MAGDUSA KA!)

I’m a sinner yes. Aren’t we all? (Yes, Mike Velarde, that’s include you!)

But I am not godless. I’m agnostic, Theist Agnostic (I-google nyo na lang!) to be more specific..

A believe that there is a god but it’s not the gods of countless religions and sects that promises salvation. Why believe in institutions with contradictory dogma’s, messianic promises and church contribution pleadings?

it’s hard for Lola to understand this. She practically raised me in a very catholic environment.

I grew up seeing Parish Priests having lunch on our ancestral house. I attended Legion of Mary meetings with aunts and uncles. And yes, i was once an altar boy,

This whole thing burned me out. It opened my eyes…

That diving looking Parish Priests are lunch freeloading bastards. Some are caught stealing misdirecting church funds to support his drinking binge and boracay trips. Some get their secretaries pregnant. One quit the calling to study law after saving up away from services and donations. (oist! professional career din pala ang pagpapari! Collect now , save up and then quit on Jesus to study law or nursing)

That Legion of Mary meetings start with prayer then ends up with gossips and beer discussions.

That altar boys are prey for gay deacons, and that mass wine (mompo) taste like wet cigarette ashes (I tasted the ash to see compare it with the wine and see what’s more shitty tasting, it taste the same), and that altar boys are trophies of parents who don’t have enough time seeing their kids grow up (Oist! Tignan mo anak ko, mabait yan, Sakristan yan alam mo ba? how tupperware-ish)

Why believe in something that forces your eyes to look at the other direction so we could ignore and deny the hypocracy?

It’s not belief. It’s personal deception.

I’m not an atheist. I haven’t complete gone mental and I’m pretty sure I’m not stupid (Jake, sorry man, being a genius does not necessarily means enlightened intellect. but i still respect your atheist life and sodom bound ass! hehehe)

I still believe the there’s something more greater than everything in this universe. Something supremely awesome.

A being that fills the void and justifiably answering the questions on life’s every aspect, context, and any possible words that ends with “T”.

God exists. But we have no way of comprehending his actuality. Our mundane minds cannot process and absorb his awesomeness.

God’s not indifferent. He’s there letting us be. Experiencing life through our lives. Through our tears and smiles.

Like a sims player watching his own created world.  That’s what I believe in. God holding a remote and channel surfing.

“Lola I’m not godless. I just don’t believe in your religion”

THUD…

that’s my lola passing out and hitting the floor.

Wang wang wang wang wang…..

That’s me mimicking the sound of an ambulance’s horn while checking if she’s all right.

“RELIGION is POISON!”

- chairman MAO TSE TSUNG.

Im Leaving Las Vegas…. Im leaving with her.

nope i’m not in reno. Still in Manila doing my daily grinds.

so what the fuck do i mean?

I remembered watching Nicholas Cage’s Leaving Las Vegas, a movie about two morally rotting souls who wants to salvage what’s left of their humanity while living in the city of sin.

Leaving Las Vegas basically means straightening their lives. Turning their back at the past and leaving their sins behind.

That’s what me and my girl is doing right now…

Both our past has been so damnable that it drained all congenial aspects of our characters.

This time… its a time for changes… yep, that’s whats good while your young… you can scratch anything and everything and restart again…

Renewed… Thats it. Im Renewed. Like Refreshed… Clean…

Like jumping in a refreshing pool… with my baby jumping in with me…

Yes baby, Daddy’s Leaving Las Vegas…

And I’m Holding your arms. Just grab it hard and never look back…

We got everything we need… Don’t worry, were right where were supposed to be.

Let’s take it slow… No need to rush my baby… Daddy’s going nowhere with out you.

reverse payabangan

Lui: dude kaawa yung ibang writer ano 10k a month konti lang ang sobra sa pamasahe

John: Hinde naman siguro 12k pinakamababa na offer nila dito panu mo nalaman?

Lui: tsismoso ako eh

Steve: Di tol oo nga may mga 10k ata dito na writer. Depende yata sa offer eh.

John: Sabagay ako minimum pay lang dito otso mil…

Lui: Otso mil ampota… anu ka obrero?

Dell: ako nga e 100 pesos daily sapat lang panigarilyo.

Lui: buti na kayo may sweldo e… ko volunteer work lang e

Dell: kawang gawa lang para makapagbigay ng libog sa ibang tao ano heheheh.

Lui: uu, dedikadong porn writer ako pre!