Urbanized Dolphin

I am my father’s son.

 

So they tell me. If it weren’t true then my mom is a total slut. But the wicked similarities on our personalities proves me that he really is my father… which proves that your no slut ma’! Love ya Ma!

 

The other day we had a serious verbal clash. He’s been “holiday-ing” at my pad for a couple of months now (his wife threw him out). The father-son spat was about shit. Literally, it was about his shit. We have the same morning schedules and every single day he always get to the bathroom first.

 

I love my dad. But when you go right into a bathroom after he’d done his shitting. Whoa, better take in a can of air freshener with you. I kid you not, the fucking stench of his waste can really violate one’s soul. I shit you not my friends. My dad’s shit reeks so bad that even Satan himself will puke all the evil in him.

 

So I said something about it to him. Don’t know if it was my approach but he got pissed.

 

We ended up screaming at each other… because of shit. Hehehe… I still find it funny.

 

Since that morning my dad hasn’t crashed at my place yet. I kinda miss him. But the shit stench in the morning, that I don’t miss.

 

Let me tell you about my dad…

 

My dad’s a custom police. NO, not like the border custom cops on U.S. reality T.V. where ruggedly handsome men with ripped bodies in tactical gear wear and high powered guns for toys go hunting illegal border jumpers and does smuggling busts.

 

Where in the Philippines… have some dignity, cops here are rugged… that’s it. Just take a look at my dad. This mid 50’s father of mine is a tattooed long hair sporting diabetic port police. Most of guys on his team are chain smoking tough guys you’d mistakenly think as bums or Italian wiseguys just hanging out together. ]

 

Tactical gear? Fuck that man, for these guys uniforms are for VIP occasions only. It’s jeans sneakers and a shirt 24/7. And the bulging 9mm Berretta, Parabellum or Llama bulging on their bellies.

 

My hippie looking civil servant of a father clairvoyantly named me after him. My old man must have seen that’ll I’ll grow up having his exact character and personality. OR, the guy was just so high on something that put in his name on the birth registration as my Demerol high mom got out of the labor room. Whichever, I’m still stuck and will remain his Junior.

 

Erpat’s as I call him is the happy go lucky “Man” man types. With very open views and has a Machiavellian approach towards life. Much like me, I don’t know if its DNA watching him intently while growing up rubbed his persona unto me but almost everyone in one family describes me as “very much the same”.

 

No, we don’t look alike. Quite the opposite really. He’s a long hair since i can remember. I spent six years as a skin head and always liked my hair to be neat and clean. He’s tanned (looks like the the Bagets-pre drugged William Martinez in his youth) I’m a freckled face splattered mestizo (several girls I dated told me i looked liked Wendell Ramos when i was still at 185lbs… Ha! Fucking lying bitches. Now I’m a bloated John Belushi look alike. An he an aging De Niro.

 

He stands 5′6”. I lurch a 6 flat height. I got my physical genes from my mom.

 

My elder brother is his exact look alike, less the intimidating mass on his broad arms, broad shoulders, chest, head… Heck everything in him is broad. Except his tiny “pinky” wahahahaha!

 

But personality wise, I’m clearly my father’s son. I’m both proud and regretfully aware of this. The good and bad stuffs in him are custom fitted in me.

 

The good.

 

My dad is the man of the masses in both my grand folk’s two clans. His exceptional PR skills and comedic wit usually makes him the life of the party. A common sense and witty smarts ables him to effectively converse with anyone from any walks of life. And i mean any. He can effectively lobby something to a meth junkie or a political high power figure (V.P. Noli de Castro was his home boy back in the day, Ka Noli even hanged out on my granddad’s billiard hall)

 

He’s cocky. A confidence that borders into the point of arrogance, but he gets away with it because of his charm. Ah, charm. That he does overflow with. His popularity in our town maybe compared with “The Kris Aquino Complex / Persona”. You either love him or hate him. But still you cant get enough of him.

 

He’s also a “bolero”. A smooth talker when it comes with girls. Thankfully I inherited that. I haven’t had any hard times getting girls (except for one goddamn chick that I was really into three years back, you know who you are bitch!). I got his wit and very disarming sense of humor.

 

It was understandable for him to get the girls because he’s handsome. Was handsome. But for me (I often manage to wondered how I managed to follow his steps), I thank him for rubbing his charming and funny appeal onto me. I’m not as good looking as he was back in his day but I do have this “appeal” hehehehe (fuck you angel! Don’t even dare to comment)

 

“sabi nga ni Tsong Joey Marquez( na inisip ni Ipe Pelino )…. kila Richard Gomez at Benjie Paras…. Sa inyo na ang kagwapuhan! Sa akin ang sex appeal!”

 

The bad.

 

The bad boy rep and the knight in shining armor complex. He is known to have a violent past. All of which are not just random anger bursts. He usually ends up in a bloody street fight defending our family’s honor or saving a damsel in distress. Bloody fights with what he considers as rotting individuals are literally legendary.

 

One of his fight stories that I’ve heard was when he fought three brothers right outside their house. He taped a dried manta ray tail whip on his left arm and a 7 inch blade on his right. He nearly died on that encounter, but he’s best pal “Balot” (can’t remember his real name, they call him balot because he looks like a duck embryo hehehehe) managed to save him.

 

One of the three brother’s attacked from his rear, with a fan knife. Balut instinctively hugged my dad and used his back as a knife cushion. That’s what buddy’s should be. Balut has two deep stabbed wound and got marks to prove it.

 

When the cops came they ordered everyone to raise their hands and drop anything their holding. My dad was the only one left standing, but he can’t drop his blade and whip because of it was really taped hard on his hands. The cops thought that he was being a hard ass so they shot him.

 

One bullet slashed in him, just right under his ribs and came out the other side. He survived that night and became a street legend. A street fighters urban tale. Up to this day our town’s hardcore pinoy street hoodlums respect him and me, his junior.

 

I too had my shares of street violence. One fight that I had is very similar to what my dad when through. It was when I got my ear left ear sliced in two. I was fighting three guys.

 

The details a bit blurry, but I do remember that I was on top of the biggest guy of the three and was giving him knuckle sandwiches and elbow hits when I sensed his pal attacking me on my rear left side. At the last possible second I leaned towards my right and and grabbed his hand. He dropped a blade which i quickly took. They ran like school girls when they saw me brandishing the knife.

 

I didn’t realize that my ear got cut only after Candice (my girlfriend during that time) told me that the left side of my head is bleeding like a faucet. I brushed the area and felt that my ear was sliced in half.

 

At the e.r. the doctor said that the guy was probably aiming to stab me just underneath my ear. Meaning the guy was really set on killing me. I jut got lucky. But I did have to undergo a couple of hours of being stitched, by an intern no less, with out any anesthetics whatsoever. 14 stitches on a three inch cut. How could that possibly be, I really have no idea.

 

I survived that night. Mostly because of luck. But I believe that my dad’s genes helped me. Sounds really crazy, but I positive that my confidence of him being my father guided me through that brawl.

 

That’s my dad. A basically a good half of who I am. I love my dad. I love him as much as I hate him.

 

I am after all my father’s son.

 

So dad… wherever you are….. can you shit there and come home to me? lolz

 

 

Pinoy Comedy is Dead…

Sitcom in the Philippines are non-existent. What they have on t.v. right now that they call sitcoms are not funny and is trying forcibly to be funny…..

What the hell happened to sitcoms like Palibahasa Lalake, Abangan ang susunod na kabanata, Bistek, Iskul Bukol, Kool Ka Lang?!?

now what we got are comedians trying to make something of a concept that is hard to work with and scripts the has been used and rehashed and used again and again… ang again…

comedy is dead… we watch sitcoms not because its funny but because of the stars in it, and unfortunately… we don’t have anything better to do but wait for sexy starlet guests appear in a scene… (YEBA I DO THAT! lolz)

*** this script is supposedly the pilot episode of a sitcom in one of three major t.v. networks. But the project was canned in order to give way for some junkets programs that were bought cheap abroad…

hope you find it funny… funnier than the trash the networks throw at us *** puro pang nanay na ang mga jokes eh… lolz

Characters

Boss BIG – Berting Labra(may-ari ng resort)

CLINT – Long Mejia or Gene Padilla(anak ni Boss Big)

EHRIEL – Lead Vocals of Kamikaze(kaibigang matalik ni Clint)

Claire – LJ Moreno (Unica Hija ni boss big)

Fatima – Asia Agcaoili (Pamangkin ni Auntie Tita, Bagong Chef)

Auntie Tita- Ces Quesada ( ex ni Boss Big, Executive Secretary

ng Resort)

The Staff

DiDi – Ella V

Lili – Maui Taylor

· plus two peripheral girls

Lui lifeguard – Louie (the wheelchair bound character on the old BISTEK sitcom)

Kit The Bouncer – Diego of Bubble Gang

O ANG BABAE….

Pilot Episode

Written by: LUI

Scene 01.EXT. Road leading to the Resort. Day.

KINAKALADKAD NI CLINT SI EHRIEL.

CLINT

Ano ka ba? Malapit na tayo sa Resort ng Ama ko.

EHRIEL

Bakit ba natin kailangan pumunta dun? Ang sarap sarap ng buhay college natin ‘tol. Dapat nakatambay lang tayo sa dorm natin.

CLINT

Am lang ba ang pinadede sa iyo nung bata ka? Ano bang klaseng memory ang meron ka? Hindi ba’t sinabi ko na sa iyo, pinatawag tayo ng Ama ko. May sasabihin yata tungkol sa mana.

EHRIEL

Bakit malapit na bang matigok ang ama mo?

CLINT

Sana, este oo, este, ano ka ba? Quality time ang habol ko sa ama ko hindi iyung mana.

EHRIEL

Kunyari ka pa… balato ha…

CLINT

Siyempre naman, tara mainit na ang araw, nasa-sunburn ang sensitive skin ko. Malapit na ditto iyung resort.

DIDIRETSO SA PAGLALAKAD ANG DALAWA HANGGANG MAWALA SA EKSENA.

AFTER FIVE HOURS. NAKALUHOD NA SA LUPA SI CLINT. PUNO NG ALIKABOK AT NANLILIMAHID ANG KATAWAN.

CLINT

Ama, asan ka na? Bakit mo ako pinabayan… Nauuhaw na ako, uhaw na uhaw…

MAY HAWAK NA MINERAL WATER SI EHRIEL, NAKAPAYONG ITO AT MUKHANG FRESH NA FRESH. BABASAIN NIYA SA MUKHA SI CLINT.

CLINT

Ano ka ba? Lulunurin mo ba ako?

EHRIEL

Ayos rin ang drama mo ano, pang famas iyun ah.

CLINT

Hayup ka, may tubig at payong ka pala tapos pinabayaan mo lang akong maging taong grasa ditto.

EHRIEL

Alam mo tanggapin mo na, nawawala tayo. Buti pa magtanung ka na. Ayan iyung ale. Sige na.

MAY DADAAN NA ALE SA HARAPAN NILA

CLINT

O sige na sige na. Uhm, yo Miss!! Yo pwede bang ituro mo kami sa….

ALE

Bulag ba kayo? Ayan ang resort O!!!

SABAY ALIS NA ANG ALE. NASA HARAPAN NA SILA NG RESORT.

CLINT

Hanep iyung babaeng iyun ah? May powers iyun sa utak, biruin mo hindi ko pa tapos iyung sinasabi ko alam na niya na pupunta tayo sa resort.

EHRIEL

Walang powers yun pare, mukha ka talagang hindi naliligo kaya ka itnuro sa resort. Yuck ka ‘tol.

CUT TO:

SCENE 02. INT. BANQUET HALL NG RESORT. CONT.

GINAWANG SUGALAN NI BOSS BIG ANG BANQUET HALL. KAUNTI LAMANG ANG NAGSUSUGAL.

INAASIKASO NILA LILI, DIDI ANG MGA SUGALERO.

LILI

O mga bossing sabihin nyo lang kung ano ang kailangan nyo nandito lang kaming mga girls ha, taya lang kayo ng taya baka suerte kayo ngayon.

DIDI

Oo na mga sir, gusto nyo ba ng masahe? Marunong ako mag-shitzu massage.

LILI

Shitzu? Hindi ba aso iyun?

DIDI

Oo naman no, yung aso ang mag-mamassage hindi ako. Baka masugatan pa ang mga dalire ko sa mga taong ito, puro humps ang balat nitong isang ito oh!

LILI

Ssshh! Baka marinig ka, sige ka wala kang tip.

DIDI

Hindi bale babawiin ko, nuod ka lang…. o mga sir ayaw nyo talagang mag-pamassage habang naglalaro? Kayo rin, baka naman gusto nyong magdonate sa donation chest, mapupunta sa kabutihan ang mga idodonate nyo.

I-WIWIGGLE NI DIDI ANG KANYANG DIBDIB. MATUTULALA ANG MGA SUGALERO. MAGHUHULOG SILA NG PERA SA CLEAVAGE NI DIDI.

DIDI

Sige I-shoot nyo lang ng I-shoot sa donation chest ko…

LILI

Ayos iyang racket mo ah, ako rin ako rin.

PAPASOK SI BOSS BIG. NAKAYAKAP ANG DAWALANG TSIKS SA KANYA.

BOSS BIG

Ano ba mga bebot ko? Ok ba itong naisip ko? Sugalan sa may resort, paniguradong malakas ang kamig ko dito… habang lumalangoy ang mga bata, nagsusugal ang mga matatanda.

LILI

Ay, boss big kayo pala

LALAPIT SI DIDI AT LILI. HAHALIKAN NITO ANG KAMAY NI BOSS BIG.

DIDI

Dumidiskarte lang po ng tip boss big.

BOSS BIG

(Sasabihan ang dalwang bebot na naka-akbay sa kanya)

O mga iha, palitan nyo muna silang dalawa, kayo na ang mag-asikaso sa mga kliyente natin.

DiDi, Lili Ano to? Ilagay nyo sa tip box iyan, dapat may cut din ako diyan.

LILI

Boss big nasa donation chest naman namin.

BOSS BIG

Donation chest ba kamo, o sige dudukutin ko na ang naipon nyo ha…

DIDI

Kayo naman hindi na po kayo mabiro, sige po ilalagay na namin sa tip box.

LILI

Boss Big, medyo mahina po ang kabig natin.

PAPASOK SI CLAIRE. MAY TANTRUM ITO.

CLAIRE

Daddykins, Bakit mo ginawang sugalan itong banquet hall! You promised me na you’ll make this a disco house para may sariling gimikan kami ng mga friends ko! Hmp!

BOSS BIG

Good morning rin iha.

CLAIRE

Ay nako Daddykins, kapag hindi nyo ako sinunod mapapahiya ako sa mga friends ko.

BOSS BIG

Pero iha, nasa gitna tayo ng palayan walang dadayong makipag diskuhan dito.

CLAIRE

Ah basta! Gusto ko ng sariling gimikan. Daddykins, this is a resort not a casino.

BOSS BIG

Iha, alam mo naman na hindi ako marunong magpatakbo ng resort, sugal lang ang alam ko. Kungdi ko lang namana sa lolo mo itong resort na ito…

CLAIRE

Ah basta! Kapag hindi mo ginawang disco house ito! Kill me na lang kaya!

PATAKBONG EEXIT SI CLAIRE.

BOSS BIG

Naku tinamaan ka na… Girls habulin nyo yun. Magpapamasahe lang ako sandali.

CUT TO:

SCENE 03. FRONT GATE NG BIKINI PARADISE. CONT.

CLINT

Eto na nga iyon, eto na iyung resort. Pang bigtime hindi ba? Pero bakit para wala atang tao. Tao po! Tao po!

EHRIEL

Wow, hanep sa pangalan, Bikini Paradise. Malamang naka-bikini lahat ng tao dito.

LALABAS SI KIT. NAKATRUNKS LANG ITO.

KIT

Ang iingay nyo ah! Ano bang probblema nyo?!?

CLINT

Sabi ko tao po, hindi engkanto. Anak ako ni Beganyo Paraiso, andiyan ba siya? Saka sino ka ba?

KIT

Ako ang head of security ditto! Anak ka ni boss big, hindi ako naniniwala, mukha kang hoodlum. Umalis na kayo ditto baka hindi pa ako makapagpigil.

EHRIEL

Pare mukha ka raw hoodlum, payag ka ba nun?

CLINT

Aba’t gusto ata nitong makatikim ah! Pare alalayan mo ako, I-jojoey marquez ko ito!

BUBUHATIN NI EHRIEL SI CLINT. IPA-FLYING KICK NILA SI KIT.

KIT

Waaa, isusumbong ko kayo sa kuya ko mga hayup kayo!

TATAKBO SI KIT SA LOOB. TATAKBO NAMAN PALABAS SI CLAIRE.

EHRIEL

Clint, hindi ba utol mo iyan?

CLINT

Abay oo nga ano, Hey Sister What’s up?!?

CLAIRE

What’s up mo ang mukha mo Ulol!

EXIT NA SANA SI CLAIRE. MAKAKATITIGAN NIYA SI EHRIEL

EHRIEL

Hi im EHRIEL, with a capital E.H…. pwede bang malaman kung anong unit ng cellphone mo.

CLINT

Hoy kapatid ko iyan.

CLAIRE

Kuya cute ang friend mo…

CLINT

Hindi kayo bagay nyan. Bakit ba nakabusangot ang mukha

CLAIRE

Isa ka pa! pinagkakaisahan nyo ako.

CLINT

Anung problema nun? Hey sister, don’t do that to me.

PASOK SI DIDI AT LILI. HINAHABOL NILA SI CLAIRE. MAHAHARANGAN SILA NI CLINT. TATAMAAN NG MGA BRASO NITO ANG KANILANG DIBDIB.

LILI

Ay bastos ka! Manghihipo.

DIDI

O nga, manghihipo, ulitin mo nga ulit.

LILI

Teka muna sino ka ba at haharang harang ka diyan?

CLINT

Ako si Clint, anak ako ni Biganyo Paraiso.

LILI

Anak ka ni Boss Big? Parang hinde, mukha kang hoodlum eh.

CLINT

Totoo iyun, anak niya ako.

(nakatitig sa dibdib ng dalawa)

mula sa dibdib iyan, este, dibdiban na katotohanan, este, anyways. Hayaan nyo magpakilala kami ng kaibigan ko.

(lilingon kay EHRIEL)

pare, iaala-Dolphy ko ang pagpapakilala ko ditto.

EHRIEL

Teka lang tol, baka sumabit ka nyan, baka majontis agad iyan, mahal pa naman ang bayad ng pagpapaanak sa hospital ngayon. Buti ba kung may medicard o philhealth ka.

CLINT

You have a point there… sige iaala-vic sotto ko na lang to…

hi girls, ako na pala si clint,

(Gagawin ang Vic Sotto Beso Beso Kiss)

EHRIEL

Ayos iyan ah, ako naman. Hi Girls, by the way I’m EHRIEL, with a Capital E.H.

LILI at DIDI

E.H.?

EHRIEL

Yes, Eternally Horny…

PAPASOK SI BOSS BIG.

BOSS BIG

Anak ikaw ba iyan

CLINT

AMA! Aking Ama ako nga!

YAYAPOS SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL KILA DIDI AT LILI

BOSS BIG

Oy mga Ulol! Andito ako!

CLINT

Ay ama, mano po, siya nga pala si EHRIEL, yung tropa ko sa college.

BOSS BIG

Kakapadala ko pa lang ng tuition nung pasukan ah, saka kelan ba kayo matatapos, aba, bago pa mag-massacre sa mendiola naka-enroll na kayo ah.

CLINT

Tatay naman, pinatawag nyo ako hindi ba? Boss Big na ang tawag sa inyo, kung kailan kayo tumanda saka in kayo lumande.

EHRIEL

Eh bakit na ba Boss Big ang tawag sa inyo Tito?

BOSS BIG

Gusto mo talagang malaman, kayo mga girls? Gusto nyo malaman?

SASAGOT NG OO ANG LAHAT. TATALIKOD SI BOSS BIG AT IPAPAKITA ANG KAYANG PUSOD. MAMAMANGHA ANG LAHAT.

LILI

Ang laki naman niyan.

DIDI

Oo nga, kuwatro gabilog…

EHRIEL

Oo nga, ang lake lake… ang lake lake ng butas ng pusod nyo, malaki in siguro ang bituka nyo no…

BOSS BIG

O di ba… o sige halika na kayo sa loob… may pag-uusapan tayo.

PASOK SILANG LAHAT SA LOOB. BALIK SI CLAIRE SA FRONT GATE. UMIIYAK.

CLAIRE

Waaahhh!! Bakit walang humabol sa akin!! Ang layo layo na ng tinakbbo ko wala palang tao sa likod ko!

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 04. EXT. BESIDE THE POOL. CONT.

NAKAUPO SILA BOSS BIG, CLINT AT EHRIEL SA ISANG LAMESA.

BOSS BIG

Buti naman at nakarating kayo. Kamusta naman ang pag-aaral nyo?

EHRIEL

Nailalabas naman namin ng anak nyo yung artistic talents. Three units na lang next sem at makakagraduate na kami ni Ehriel.

BOSS BIG

(nagbabalot ng papel)

Three units, three units. Ang kakapal rin ng apog nyo.

(hahampasin sila Clint at Ehriel)

dalawang EDSA revolution na ang nangyayari hindi pa rin kayo graduate. Hindi mo gayahin si Claire. Nakatapos agad.

DADAAN SI CLAIRE

CLAIRE

Daddykins! Bakit hindi nyo ako hinabol kanina! Napahiya ako. Hindi nyo ako talaga luvs!

BOSS BIG

I love you rin iha

CLINT

Unfair naman iyan ama, si Claire hindi artisitic, academics siya.

CLAIRE

Academics mo mukha mo! Elementary pa lang ako college ka na, naka-graduate na ako college ka pa rin!

CLAIRE

(iiyak)

Dadykins gusto ng disco.

BOSS BIG

O tahan na, o eto isang bungkos na pera. Mag-shopping ka muna.

CLAIRE

(kukuhain ang pera)

kala mo makukuha mo ako ditto.

AALIS SI CLAIRE

CLINT

Ama ako kaya kapag umiyak? May isang bungkos rin kaya ako?

BOSS BIG

Isang bungkos na sampal gusto mo? Andami ko nang gastos sa pag-aaral nyong dalawa ng kaibigan mo.

CLINT

hindi lang naman kami nag-aaral. Sumasideline rin kami ng part-time jobs.

EHRIEL

Tumpak iyun tito boss big, sa katunayan artistic photogapher po kame ng sikat na magazine.

CLINT

Oo ama totoo iyun, may kopya ako ditto tignan nyo.

(Dudukut ng ilang nakatuping tabloid sa kanyang bulsa)

eto oh, seksi ng mga cover, ganda ng anggulo ano.

BOSS BIG

Sikat na magazine? Eh Tiktik at Remate eto!

CLINT

Artistic naman Ama, pero maiba tayo ano bang nangyayari? Parang walang kabuhay-buhay ditto sa resort.

BOSS BIG

Baket? Kaya mong bigyan ng buhay ang resort?

CLINT

Ama salamat sa pagkakataon, marami akong balak ditto sa resort na ito. Dahil may units ako sa Advertising…

EHRIEL

Uy, ibig sabihin taping at photoshoot iyan

BOSS BIG

Wala pa naman akong sinasabing ikaw na ang manager. Ronda muna kayo sa resort at magpapamasahe lang ako.

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 05.EXT. KIDDIE POOL. CONT.

NASA LOOB NG KIDDIE POOL SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.

CLINT

Ano tol, palagay mo, maganda ditto mag-shut di ba?

EHRIEL

Oo maganda ang anggulo ditto, maliwanag pa ang natural lighting

PASOK SA EKSENA SI AUNTIE TITA. KASAMA NITO SI FATIMA.

AUNTIE TITA
Clint? Clint ikaw ba iyan? Bakit ka andito? Grumaduate ka na ba?

CLINT

Hindi pa tita, pero ginawa akong manager ni Ama ditto sa resort.

AUNTIE TITA

Ikaw ginawang manager? Aba, siya nga pala pamangkin ko si Fatima. Kakagraduate lang niyan ng Culinary arts, eh nag-aaply ditto. total ikaw na ang bagong manager. Ikaw na ang mag-interview.

NAGKATITIGAN SILA FATIMA AT CLINT. NAGKAROON SILA NG MOMENT. LUMINGON SI CLINT KAY EHRIEL, NAGMAMADALI NA ITONG UMAHON PAPUNTA KAY FATIMA, UNAHAN ANG DALAWA (SLOW MOTION SANA ANG EKSENA).

SA PAGMAMADALI NADULAS SI CLINT AT TUMAMA ANG MUKHA NITO SA DIBDIB NI FATIMA.

AUNTI TITA

O! sa swimming pool ka dumayb huwag sa dibdib ng pamangkin ko.

FATIMA

Ok lang naman po auntie tita.

AUNTIE TITA

E teka clint, sino ba iyang kasama mong mukhang asong ulol, tumutulo pa ang laway. Alam kong seksi ako pero nakakatakot na ang ganyang gesture ha.

EHRIEL

Ang kapal naman ng mukha nyan, mukha naman gurame

AUNTIE TITA

Ano iyon?

EHRIEL

Ang sabi ko po ako si EHRIEL, capital E.H. Ehriel. Kaibigan po ako ni Clint.

FATIMA

E.H.?

EHRIEL

Eternally Horny….

CLINT

Uhm, itigil mo iyan, mukhang disente iyanm huwag mong ala-Willy Revillame iyan.

EHRIEL

Este, eternally humorous, mahilig ako magpatawa.

HAHAWIIN NI CLINT ANG MUKHA NI EHRIEL. TITITIGAN NG HUSTO NI CLINT SI FATIMA

CLINT

Teka lang. Fatima come on babe… make may day.

Ang ibig kong sabihin eh ano bang klaseng luto ang specialty mo?

FATIMA

(malandi ang boses)

Ay, masarap po akong magluto, laging maiinit… Masabaw… At higit sa lahat… aayy… maaanghang… Aayy, ano ba iyan pinagpapawisan na ako. Pasensyan na po, talagang passionate lang po ako sa pagluluto ko.

CLINT

Aatakihin naman ako sa iyo ng hika sa pag-eexplain mo.

AUNTI TITA
O ano, tanggap na ba siya?

CLINT

Para sa akin tanggap na siya. Isasangguni ko muna kay ama, mamaya sa dinner.

AUNTIE TITA
o iyun naman pala, gusto mo siiya na ang magluto ng dinner mamaya

AALIS NA SILA AUNTIE TITA AT FATIMA

EHRIEL

Clint, hindi ka pa naming ginagawang manager ng tatay mo.

CLINT

Huwag ka nang makialam ako ng bahala diyan.

SEQUENCE 06. EXT. OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL. CONT.

NAGLILIFEGUARD DUTY SI LUI THE LOVERBOY. NAKATRUNKS LAMANG ITO AT MAY FLOOTING DEVICE SA MAGKABILANG BRASO.

MAY MGA SIGN BOARD SA GILID NG POOL: BAWAL MAG-NIGHTSWIMMING SA UMAGA, NO DRIVING SA POOL, BAWAL ANG MALUNOD, NO LEFT TURN.

LUI

(pipito)

oi walang tatalon!

PASOK SA EKSENA SI KIT

KIT

Kuya inagrabyado ako dun

LUI

Sino gumawa sa iyo niyan?

KIT

May dalawang mama kanina sa may gate, sinisipa ako sa mukha

LUI

Abat mga loko iyun ah! Asan yung mga iyun, sila ang pagsisipain ko.

ENTER SI BOSS BIG

BOSS BIG

Saan ka pupunta lui?

LUI

Hinde boss, inagrabbyado tong utol ko, hindi ako papayag nun. Tatakbuhin ko lang lumapastangan ditto.

BOSS BIG

Teka, easy ka lang, sinong bumugbog sa iyo?

PASOK SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.

KIT

Ayan boss big, ayang dalawang iyan!

LUI

Eto bang dalawang ito, hoy ikaw halika ditto square tayo.

MAGMA-MUCK FIGHT SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL LABAN KAY KIT AT LUI.

BOSS BIG

Ano ba itigil nyo yan!

CLINT

Ama, abusado itong mga ito eh.

LUI

Ama? (babatukan si kit) hayup ka anak pala ni boss big ito, pumunta ka na sa front gate at magbantay ka na lang duon.

CLINT

Ama sino ba ito?

BOSS BIG

Iyan si lui loverboy, lifeguard ko iyan ditto

EHRIEL

Lifeguard? Sigurado kayo?

LUI

Hoy, magaling akong lumangoy.

BOSS BIG

O siya siya, nagawa mo na ba ang trabaho mo?

LUI

Gagawin ko pa lang boss big.

MAGLALABAS NG LAMBAT SI LUI. AT IHAHAGIS NIYA SA POOL

CLINT

OI ano iyan? Ginawa nyong palaisdaan ang pool.

BOSS BIG

Ayus ba ang naisip ko? Habang nag-swiswimming ang mga customer, pwede na silang manghuli ng kakainin nila. O siya siya, diyan na kayo gusto ko na talagang magpamasahe.

MAPAPAKAMOT SI CLINT SA ULO. MAY SUMIGAW NG SAKLOLO.

EHRIEL

Oi pare may nalulunod ata, lui bilis languyin mo na.

BUBUHATIN NILA CLINT AT EHRIEL SI LUI. IHAHAGIS SIYA SA POOL

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 07. INT. BILLIARDS ROOM. CONT.

NAGPAPAMASAHE SI BOSS BIG KAY SA DALAWANG TSIKS NIYA. DADATING SI CLINT AT EHRIEL.

EHRIEL

Ayos yan boss big ah, pwede bang sumayd bet.

BOSS BIG

O sige, iihi lang ako.

TATAYO SI BOSS BIG. SI EHRIEL NAMAN ANG MAGPAPAMASAHE. HAHANAP LANG NG HALAMAN SI BOSS BIG PARA IHIAN.

CLINT

Alam mo ama, na ocular na naming ni Ehriel ang lugar… Ama baket ka naman diyan umiihe?

BOSS BIG

Bakit ba? Eh ihing ihi na ako. (haharap at aayusin ang zipper)

Ano iyung sinasabi mo?

CLINT

As I was saying, ama, nakita na naming ang buong lugar. Dami kaming ideas. Bakit hindi mo ako gawing manager. Para parelax-relax ka na lang jan.

BOSS BIG

Wala ka ditto parelax-relax na ako

CLINT

Ang ibig kong sabihin, pagagandahin natin itong resort. Aayusin natin, mang-aakit tayo ng mga customer para lumakas ang resort… at ang mini casino ‘nyo.

BOSS BIG

Alam mo minsan may pakinabang ka din anak, pero paano ang kapatid mo, si Claire, gusto niyang gawing diskuhan yung mini casino ko.

CLINT

(mapapatingin kay EHRIEL)

Akong bahala dun Ama.

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 08. EXT. FRONT GATE NG BIKINI PARADISE. CONT.

NAKATAMBAY SILA DIDI, LILI, LUI AT IBA PANG STAFF NG RESORT SA FRONT DESK.

LILI

May bago na raw tayong manager, yung bagong dating na anak ni boss big.

REACT ANG MGA STAFF SA NEWS. DARATING SI AUNTIE TITA KASAMA SI FATIMA

AUNTIE TITA

Hi guys, meron tayong bagong chef sa ating restaurant. Siya si Fatima, pamangkin ko.

UNISON ANG LAHAT NG STAFF SA PAG-HI KAY FATIMA.

DIDI

Auntie tita, totoo ba yung tsismis na may bago tayong manager?

AUNTI TITA

Confirmed iyun, si Clint anak ni Boss big ang bagong manager.

LUI

Eh di maraming pagbabago ang mangyayari sa resort?

AUNTIE TITA

Ay, nako, sana nga. Akalain mo bang gusto niyang gawing sugalan itong resort na ito. Eh simula nang itinayo ito pang pamilya ang lugar na ito.

FATIMA

Ay ganun po ba tita, well mukha naman mabait si Sir Clint.

AUNTIE TITA

Ewan ko ah, makakapalag ba siya kay boss big pag nagsalita na iyon. Kung ano-ano pa naman ang pumapasok sa utak nun. Gusto yatang sirain itong resort.

FATIMA

Sirain? Sayang naman ang ganda nito.

AUNTIE TITA

Sinabi mo pa, buti na hindi naituloy gawin yung balak niya ng una. Gawin Sementeryo ito.

LUI

Oo nga. Kung natuloy na gawin na sementeryo ito. Hindi ako lifeguard ngayon, sepulturero ako.

MAY DADAAN MATANDANG BABAE NA MAY KASAMANG BATA. NAKAITIM PAREHO.

FATIMA

Tita, customer ba sila sa resort?

AUNTI TITA

Ewan ko, pero linggo-linngo yan nakikita.

LUI

Ah si aling parting niya at ang anak niya. Kakabalo lang niyan.

Aling parting may kandila na po ba kayo?

AUNTITE TITA

Kandila? Para saan? Aling parting saan po ba kayo pupunta?

MATANDANG BABAE

Diyan ho sa may likod ng slide, diyan ho inilibing ang asawako. Magkanu ho ba ang kandila?

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 09. EXT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.

KUMAKAIN NA NG GABIHAN SILA BOSS BIG, CLINT, EHRIEL AT CLAIRE.

BOSS BIG

Masarap itong lutong ito. Sino gumawa nito?

CLINT

Si fatima, pamangkin ng ex nyong si Auntie Tita. Kita mo Ama, isang araw pa lang akong manager may resulta agad.

EHRIEL

Ex ni Tito Boss Big si Auntie tita?

BOSS BIG

Oo ex, executive secretary ko yun.

CLAIRE

Ayaw mo pang aminin daddykins, naging girlfriend mo si Auntie Tita

BOSS BIG

Matagal ko nang naging syota yun, nakaraan na iyun. Claire, ginawa ko pa lang manager ng resort ang kuya mo.

CLAIRE

Ginawa mo siyang manager? Ako anong job title ko?

CLINT

Sis hindi ba HRM graduate ka, bakit hindi mo subukan na ikaw ang mag-manage sa restaurant. Para maging Bikini Paradise Resorts and Restaurant. Ang ganda pakinggan di ba?

CLAIRE

Paano na iyung disco na gusto ko daddykins? (iiyak)

BUBULUNGAN NI CLINT SI EHRIEL

EHRIEL

Mas bagay sa iyo yung maging manager ng restaurant kaysa sa disco. Mas may dating, mas sosyal. Kasi sa disco para kang mama san nun.

CLINT

Ginawa mo naming floor manager and sis ko.

PAPASOK SI AUNTIE TITA AT FATIMA

AUNTIE TITA

Biganyo, nakilala mo na ba ang pamangkin ko?

BOSS BIG

Ay anko may demonyo sa likod ko… O Tita kumain na ba kayo?

AUNTIE TITA

Plastik ka talaga kahit kailan

CLINT

Fatima, ang sarap ng luto mo, hindi kami nagkamali ni Ama sa pagkuha sa iyo.

FATIMA

Bolero pala kayo sir Clint

CLINT

O Claire hindi ka na mahihirapan mag-manage ng restaurant, magaling na chef si fatima. (sisikuhin si EHRIEL)

EHRIEL

(Mabubulunan)

Oo nga

BOSS BIG

Fatima may tutuluyan ka na ba?

AUNTIE TITA

Yun na ang ilalapit ko sa iyo. Gusto ko sana stay-in siya.

BOSS BIG

Walang problema dun, Claire total naman ay makakatrabaho mo si fatima, maganda mag-bonding na kayo bakit hindi kayo magsama sa appartelle mo.

CLAIRE

Ok lang basta ba…

MAGLALAAS NG ISANG BUNGKOS NA PERA SI BOSS BIG AT IAABOT KAY CLAIRE.

CLAIRE

Ang bait talaga ng daddykins ko. Tara na Fatima

EXIT NA SINA CLAIRE AT FATIMA

CLINT

Aunti tita, bilang executive ng Ama ko may kontak kayo sa mga datin nating kliyente di ba? Tulad nila congressman at sila mayor?

AUNTIE TITA

Oo naman, bakit anung binabalak mo?

CLINT

Balak ko sanang mag pa open bar bukas. Libre swimming pero may bayad sa buffet table. Kumbaga eh, parang re-opening ng resport.

BOSS BIG

Maganda ang naisip mo anak. May utak ka pala kahit minsan.

CLINT

Saka Auntie Tita, dapat lahat ng staff naka bikini at trunks laging nakabikini. Iyan dapat ang uniform ditto sa resort. Para naman tugma sa BIKINI PARADISE na pangalan natin.

AUNTIE TITA

Ok clint, magaganda ang mga ideya mo pero sana mag-work. O lakad na ako aasikasuhin ko na lahat ng Sinabbi mo.

CLINT

O bilib ka na sa management skills ko ama? EHRIEL, nasa tono pa ba ang plakada mo sa gitara?

EHRIEL

Slight, bakit?

CLINT

Tinamaan ako dun sa Fatima na iyun. Haranahin natin mamya.

CUT TO:

Sequence 10. EXT. VERANDA NILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA. LATER.

MANGHAHARANA SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.

EHRIEL

Pareng Clint, ano bang babanatan natin? Dapat yung romantiko.

CLINT

Akong bahala, siguradong romantiko to. Pasadahan mo. I-e-eddie pergrina ko. “What am I doing for, if not for meee…”

EHRIEL

Tol baka imbes na labasin tayo e barilin tayo ditto

CLINT

Sige baguhin natin, Eto tamang taman kay fatima… “Ave, Ave, Ave Maria….”

EHRIEL

Pare, hindi naman tayo magbaba ng fatima eh.

CLINT

O sige, I-oldskewl mo na lang…

KANKANTA SILA NG KUNDIMAN. LALABAS ANG SA MAY VERANDA SILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA. MATATAPOS ANG PAGKANTA NILA EHRIEL AT CLINT.

FATIMA

Mayrun pa palang marunong mangharana ngayon

CLINT

Oo naman fatima, tanggapin mo ang aming pagkanta bilang welcome gift mula sa management.

CLAIRE

Hi EHRIEL! Kuya gusto kong kantahin nyo, yung My humps.

CLINT

Hindi naming kaya yun.

CLAIRE

Ayaw mo? isusumbong kita kay daddykins. (Sisigaw)

LALABAS SI BOSS BIG. TATABIHAN SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL

BOSS BIG

Ano tong kaguluhan na ito? Gabing gabi na eh. Nakakabulahaw na sa ibang guest ditto.

CLAIRE

DADDYKINS SI KUYA AYAW KANTAHI ANG MY HUMPS!

BOSS BIG

Kantahin mo na para matahimik na iyun.

CLINT

Ama hindi naming kaya iyun.

TULOY PA RIN ANG IYAK NI CLAIRE.

BOSS BIG

Kantahin nyo na!

CLINT

“My Amps, My amps, may amps, may amps, dagdagan mo pa ng sili, ang gusto ko marami…

EHRIEL

“…Ang gusto ko marami.”

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 11. EXT. BESIDE THE POOL. DAY-NEXT.

NAKABATHING SUIT ANG LAHAT NG GIRLS NATIN. NAG-SUSUNBATHING SILA SA MAY LEDGE. PABALIKBALIK NA RUMORONDA SI LUI SA PALIGID NG MGA GIRLS.

LALABAS NG KWARTO NIYA SI BOSS BIG AT MAG-IINGAT. MAKIKITA NIYA ANG MGA GIRLS NA NAS LEDGE. MANLALAKE ANG KANYANG MGA MATA. MABILIS SIYANG BABABA SA HAGDAN AT LALAPITAN SI LUI.

BOSS BIG

Para kang trumpo, nakakahilo ka.

LUI

Boss big, nakakapanggigil!

BOSS BIG

Oo nga…

YUYUKO SI BOSS BIG PARA MASDAN ANG MGA LEGS NG GIRLS. PAPASOK SA EKSENA SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL. KUKUHAIN NI CLINT ANG PITO SA LEEG NI LUI AT HIHIPAN. SA SOBRANG GULAT AY MASASALUBSOB SI BOSS BIG SA MGA GIRLS.

EHRIEL

Parang lugi tayo sa eksenang iyun.

CLINT

Oo nga eh naisahan tayo ng matandang ito.

BOSS BIG

Kayo talaga makakadisgrasya kayo ng tao. Bakit ba andito kayong lahat?

LILI

Eh sir may patawag po si Sir clint

DIDI

Oo nga may photo shoot at dance practice raw.

CLINT

Ama para bukas yan, pipicturan ko sila tapos ilalagay natin sa tarpoline para may malaman ng mga customer natin ang tamang swimming attire.

EHRIEL

At yung dance practice, yun ang opening sa open house night natin mamya.

DARATING SILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA

CLAIRE

Hi daddykins. Kuya saan mo ba isesetup ang catering?

EHRIEL

O paano ba yan, prapractisin ko na ang mga girls

CLINT

Teka muna hintayin mo ako

EHRIEL

Aba dapat asikasuhin mo muna yang catering

BOSS BIG

Sorry ka, manager ka.

CLINT

I-bobobot mortiz ko to… Pero ako ang nakaisip niyan eh!

FATIMA

Sir clint sa loob po ba tayo o sa labas.

CLINT

Mas maganda sa loob, para masrili kita.

FATIMA

Ano po?!??

CLINT

Hinde ditto tayo sa labas, open air dapat. Masasarap ba ang handa natin

FATIMA

Masasarap, puro native food para bumagay sa ambience ng resort

CLAIRE

Ako ang bahala sa decorations kuya.

CLINT

Ayos!

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 12a. EXT. HARAPAN NG APPARTELLE. NIGHT.

NAKA-SET UP NG ANG LAHAT. LAHAT NG STAF AY NAKA BIKINI. MAY CATERING NA RIN. BISITA NA LAMANG ANG KULANG.

CLINT

Ayos ito, everything is going well,

EHRIEL

Oo nga Clint, panalong panalo ang plano mo.

MAPAPANSIN NG DALAWA SI LUI NA NAKASAKAY SA FLOATING DEVICE.

CLINT

Anong ginagawa mo diya?

LUI

Ginagawa ko ang trabaho ko. Malay mo ba habang nagsasayaw sila diyan, may matipalok at least handa ako.

ENTER SA EKSENA SI AUNTIE TITA.

AUNTIE TITA

Maganda set-up ha…

CLINT

Nakontak nyo ba ang mga guest natin? Si mayor, si undersecretary?

AUNTIE TITA

Papunta na sila

EHRIEL

Dapat pala maipraktis na ang mga girls. Girls cum her.

LALABAS ANG MGA GIRLS. MAGPRAPRAKTIS NA SILANG MAG-SAYAW NG BIGLANG KUMULOG AT UMULAN. TAKBUHAN ANG LAHAT SA FIRST FLOOR NG APPARTELLE.

CUT TO:

SEQUENCE 12b. INT. FIRST FLOOR NG APPARTELLE. NIGHT.

NAKATAYO ANG LAHAT NG STAFF SA MAY PINTUAN. MALULUNGKOT ANG KANILANG MGA MUKHA. UUMUULAN AT KUMIKIDLAT PA RIN SA LABAS.

EHRIEL

Wow… ang lupit ng plano mo tol..

CLINT

Huwag mo nang idiin pa…

EHRIEL

Si lui ba yung palutang lutang sa may pool

CLINT

Oo, “LUI UMALIS KA JAN BAKA TAMAAN KA NG KIDLAT”

KIKIDLAT NG MALAKAS. SISIGAW SI LUI

EHRIEL AT CLINT

Ouch

BIGLANG MAGBA-BLACKOUT. MAGSISINDI NG LIGHTER SI EHRIEL

EHRIEL

WOW…

END

endey12: :>

endey12: thanks bru

lui: heheheh…. i got tempted to write… wow ur a geek that got inked…. hehehehe

endey12: haha

endey12: amen!

endey12: :>

lui: dude… kanina ipakita ko sana sau ng mga text ng fubu ko…. she’s a 20 year old volleyball player, worked as call center bitch then resigned and is now a bum, she’sa single mom too….

endey12: haha

endey12: san mo na naman napulot yan?

endey12:

lui: pinakilala ng friend ko… my wit and charm did the rest hehehe

endey12: hahaha

endey12: nicey

endey12: :>

lui: problem is…. weve been doing it for three weeks now… every weekends at my pad

endey12: uh and then?

lui: then kanina, among the other text… she texted I LOVE YOU DAD… tapos followed by another text na ay tama ba un hehehe….

lui: fubu… fubu thing… dont ever say i love you…

endey12: hala kang bata ka

endey12: uma ilovbeyou na

endey12: whahahaha

lui: i didnt say ilove you back pero mwah and miss u too lang

endey12: anlandi ng bakla

endey12:

lui: she even texted na natatakot daw siya at baka bitawan ko siya kasi nafall na daw siya sa akin and again with the iloveyou…

endey12: omg

lui: im scared… this chick is a class A clinger

endey12: hahahha

endey12: i can just imagine

endey12: lagot ka

endey12: hahahha

lui: anyways her sister is wat more hotter

lui: met her yesterday morning nun hinatid ko siya

endey12: haha

lui: ate niya un

lui: hehehe

endey12: gags ka

endey12: pili naman

endey12: wahahhaha

lui: pero dude… what do i do? i love the sex… just dont know if i can handle the commitment

endey12: tell her

endey12: NOW

endey12: it has to be clear with her

endey12: or else

lui: i cant… my fone is on the glitch rem

endey12: shed expect

endey12: and yari ka na

endey12: use mine

endey12: hahahaha

lui: i know… I LOVE YOU DAD…. that made my balls shrink

lui: how? what?

endey12: DAD

endey12: omg

endey12: she uses pet names already

endey12: youre doomed

lui: the nasty thing is… she totally dished money last sat… we ate dinner, got a couple of drinks… even paid for my bike’s gas…

endey12: omg

endey12: shes investing

endey12: hala ka

endey12: lagot!

lui: kaya nga eh… her past two ex’s are austalian and fil am u.s. marine

endey12: naks

endey12: hahaha

endey12: pnioy naman

endey12: wahahahha

lui: heheheh.. pure filipino still is at the top!

lui: sobra daw tigas…..

lui: ng dating

lui: wahahahha

endey12: hahahahahhaha

endey12: no comment

lui: so sis… how do i break it to her?

endey12: be frank

endey12: kesa maipit ka

endey12: in the process

endey12: hay nako

endey12: pag hinayaan mo yan

endey12: magfifeeling gf yan

endey12: wahahahah

endey12: yari ka na

lui: your probably right…. i hope we can salvage the fubu thing wahahahahaha… like she’s gonna say yes after saying

lui: uhm… dude…. cant really have the commitment thing… but we can always continue the great sex that were having…

lui: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA lolz

endey12: hahahaha

lui: fucking nerve

endey12: that is if she agrees

lui: fuck like i got the balls to say that… i still have a heart

lui: im gonna fucking post this on my blog

lui: hahahaha….

endey12: hahaha

endey12: heart ka jan

endey12: tas pag anjan na

endey12: youd want out

endey12: mas masakit

endey12: besides dapat alam nun girl kung ano pinapasok nya

lui: all is fair in love and war

endey12: true that

 

 

 

Jerk and Jerker .. which is which?

My cousin, a couple of years my junior, approached me the other night and asked if I can go with him to my artist and have his first tattoo done. Trying to sound and look mature to my young kin I told him that being inked for the first time is like a rite of passage… … a sign of readiness to handle the severity of something permanently being marked on you. Having two tattoos myself makes me a bit passionate on this subject.

So I asked him why he wanted to be inked. His reply saddened me.... He wanted to look cool while playing basketball and that he finds the guys on the cable show Miami Ink "way wicked". To his dismay I denied his request. I told him that I wont accompany someone to be inked just to have a cool accessory that one can flaunt.

I made the poor boy sit still and forced him to listen to my preachy ramblings about being inked. Tattoos are not accessories. It’s something intimately permanent. A commitment that should be treated with respect for it is considered to be the highest form of visual art.

Tattoos are symbols of one's journey through life. It has to have meaning and purpose. It is intimate and should be a very personal rite of passage. One's tattoos should have history.

I explained to him that my two tattoos have their history, meaning and purpose.

My first one, located just inches below my nape and at the center of my back is a two color concept design that I created and was interpreted and developed by the tattoo artist. At the center is a couple of fish swimming around a whirlpool resembling the oriental Yin and Yang Symbol, around it is a splash of water/wave and has extended tribal vines coming out of its edges. This tattoo symbolizes my "growing up" years. I got it a couple months after graduation. The yin-yang swimming fish duo stands for my parents divorce, that whatever they do they can’t seem to see each other eye to eye. It also stands for my lifestyle; fish are individuals who have infinite freedom and rot when they are caught. The yin yang whirlpool where they swim stands for the good and evil aspects of my character. It represents how I balance my personal demons and my life's successes. The splash of water means that life has a way of replenishing and washing away any painful memories and moral mistakes that I have done in the past. The spikes basically mean that I'm still growing as a person. There's more room to experience everything that life has to offer.

My second tattoo, on my right arm, is a unique design created by my mentor Direk Ipe and me. I had it done a couple of months after breaking up with my ex-fiancée. It's an inter-lapping symbol using the three letters of my nick, LUI. The inter-lapping letters U and I form a devil's pitchfork. It stands for my personal demons, my poisons and reminds me that people have the capacity to be evil. And that evil is always waiting to pop out and consume me. The inter-lapping L and I resemble a cross with an extended right segment pointing upwards. It stands for the goodness in me, that I too have some good values and only Him, the one upstairs has the sole right to judge my actions and decisions in this life. This tattoo symbolizes both the bad and the good things about me makes me who I am and what I do in life.

Being inked is not a fad. ... It's a lifestyle.

It is a way of life for the selected few. Individuals who defy conformity. Those who rebels at life’s hypocrisy and twisted moral outlooks.

My tattoos are marks made for my soul.

It marks the things that I have gone through.

Being inked is mapping out, on your mundane physicality the things and events that shape you in journey towards the mystery of what happens next after dying...

Stress can make you way uptight. Humor is its prescribed medication.

Humor is the only thing that makes us sane in our crazy assed and unmerciful plane of existence. Humor fills out what we lack in life. It makes us smile even if were dirt poor. It makes us laugh even if were a paraplegic eating out of a tube.It makes life easier to bear. I cannot emphasize on how much we owe our life’s temporal contentment with humor, comedy, laughter, wit. I mentioned temporal contentment, well we are just humans. We are cursed beings that have insatiable appetites. Nobody is really content in what they have; those who say that they are just know how to lie (convincingly) to themselves.

Comedy is the air that prolongs our temporal contentment. Humor is the filler between our temporal happiness. It links the gap. Why the hell am I talking about this?

Yesterday I had a written tussle with a couple, both friends of mine that goes way back during high school. It was a pretty heated debate, so heated up; I got IM’s from batch mates and friends whose either agreeing with me or trying to pacify the involved parties.It started when my guy friend posted (on our alumni email group) that our dear high school Alma Mater has yet another fund raising project, probably another worthy cause but should be inquisitively questioned, and that they need the support of the alumni’s by buying tickets to some raffle event or something resembling that idea.The post clearly stated that if you’re really concern then read on BUT if you have nothing relevant and no helpful comments then don’t bother to reply).

Well he didn’t exactly write that word by word but that’s basically the gist of what he was trying to say or something to that effect.The rebel slash joker that I am, wit overcame me, forced me to jokingly reply “can I swipe it?” pertaining on buying tickets with a credit card. I meant it as a joke. But my guy friend retaliated sarcastically and what I perceived as with malicious intent, that some people, educated people who graduated college just don’t understand simple instructions. He got furious at my comment… But he didn’t have the balls to say it directly. He made a general sarcastic remark.

I found it funny… at first.

But then it hit me. Was he judging me and questioning my academic integrity and achievement? So what if I’m a college graduate that commented with a joke that he obviously didn’t get? Does it lessen my intellect? Was I less intelligent for having said that? Or is he saying that I’m not worth my college degree because I made fun on a “mighty” cause that deserves the highest respects and should be taken with insurmountable level of seriousness that no one should even dare make fun or get humor from it?I confronted him in writing. I asked him if he was angry and if he was just say so. I didn’t get any reply from him. But I did get a couple of emails from his better half. This female friend defended her partner. She pointed out that if I have nothing good to say then I shouldn’t have even bothered saying anything. If I’m not a help for the cause then I shouldn’t be commenting on the subject was her firm words. In a series of exchanged emails, my witty comment about “swiping it” (which I assure everyone that it’s not malicious and meant to be delivered in a tasteful and humorous manner) became a big obstruction for their fund raising cause.

It became a big deal. Wow… I said to myself. These guys are uptight. I know the logic that what may be funny to you may be offensive to others. But for god’s sake, it was a one liner punch line, a remark that points out to no one specifically. It only meant to play on the idea if they were accepting credit cards to the tickets that they are selling (how cool is that if they do! Lolz).I asked them this… How sure are they that the cause that they are willing to be stressed out for and makes them transforms into winded uptight individuals is really worth all the hassle?

What I’m trying to say is, my most obvious point, IT WAS JUST A JOKE. Everything in Life is subjected comedy. Everything is, can and will be the source of humor and laughter. Nothing is divine in comedy, even God Himself, but most of all our own self. In order to make fun of something and someone, one must be willing to make fun of themselves.

Guys… Lighten up… Seriously uptight persons won’t sell any tickets. They probably will but that’s because it’s out of pity.

Peace….. And I do hope that every single day, at least once, laugh and make fun of something.

 

I wrote this piece years ago, during my college years. It was during the “formative” years of my writing. I hope it still applies, I really didn’t do any revisions to it. I wanted to retain the concreteness of what I felt when i first wrote this. Open for comments…..

Pinoy Odyssey

“Oh..My…God!” Those were the only words that I could mumble out from my awe-stricken mouth. I was oblivious to the fact that my terrified body was being trampled by, what seems to be, a brigade of red shirts that lost all their sense of humanity and compassion. And these muddled souls were not a bunch of college coeds going insane on a wild frat party. I was being crushed by thousands of Catholic devotees to the Black Nazarene. I found my overwhelmed soul being stupefied by the pandemonium that is happening in front of me. A tremendous surge of mixed emotions dashed through my spine, as if suddenly a series of intense strikes of electric discharge traumatized my cerebral cells.

All I could do was catch my breath and be confused on what is happening to me.

It was the Ninth of January, feast day of Quiapo’s patron saint, when I felt the sudden urge to make up for not practicing my religion, spiritual indulgence was my goal. I expected the worse knowing that the Black Nazarene procession would be rowdy and wild, at the least. But as I found out, all my expectations failed me, for no of level mental and physical preparation can get me ready to what I have been sucked into (that’s probably an overstatement but it was one hell of a sight). I felt that I was to be drowned by the sea of red clothed devotees, which, without exaggeration, stretched from the corner of Isetann Mall up to the last spaces of historic Plaza Miranda. All I could see were waves of bodies, of which every single soul is either, with admirable determination, trying to grab hold of the 500 meter long, thick and callused causing nylon rope (which pulls the “Nazareno’s” carriage). Or desperately trying to reach the carriage itself just to wipe a piece of clothe to the statue. Now I know how Kabayan Noli de Castro must have felt when I watched him being crushed on national television. But at least it was all worth it, heck, it brought him to senate right? (He’s now the Vice President)

The whole procession was in utter chaos, I can’t help comparing it to a riotous mosh pit of a punk rock band in the height of a gig. At the middle of all that confusion, I found myself asking if it is really necessary to do all this just to prove the sincerity of one’s devotion… perhaps. Or if not, this “chaos-fest” just proves that we Filipino’s just loves to get physical on almost anything. That’s probably the rationale of the incredible rush that I felt while going for the rope, which everyone is struggling to grab hold of. Ten minutes of battling a million elbows I finally laid my hands on that rope and I found myself, shamefully I must admit, screaming profanity at the top of my lungs (oh well, nobody even noticed…. ). Touching it made me fulfilled, I don’t know why, but for that split second I felt, eerily, happy and content. But the feeling of bliss was short lived, for my basketball skill of boxing out was overrun by dark skinned brutes with white bandannas on their heads. It was hard to believe that they were on the spiritual side.

Accepting defeat, I mean they seemed to be a bunch of Magdalo rejects trying to hold a military junta (less the high powered guns and red arm bands), I opted to fall back from the mob and just enjoy the surreal feeling of witnessing countless hands trying to achieve a single goal at a safer location. I then realized that I was pushed and shoved at and ended up at the corner of Arlegui, this forced me to look for higher grounds. For my sneakers and toes has had enough of all that stumping. What I saw stunned me once again. It was amazing. A picture of myriad souls; of diverse social backgrounds, of various dialects, of contrasting influences, of different generations trying sincerely to show their sense of religious zeal at the risk of seriously getting hurt. As if the bittersweet sensation of being a part of something so chaotic is reasonable, knowing that being a part of the divinity of the Nazarene tradition helps to intensify one’s faith. Hoping that all this will eventually make life a little less depressing. The Quiapo procession may seem to be an extravagant sideshow of sheer disorder. But to those Nazarene devotees it is only during that stampede-like procession that they can prove their utmost and heartfelt fondness to their faith.

Fondness? I should say that devotion is the politically correct term, but I cannot help myself on questioning if getting hurt and having a stampede justifies an act of devotion towards Christ. That day, the stretch of Magsaysay Boulevard overflowed with an insane number of different kinds of devotees. The purist, the non-practicing, the BKL (binyag, kasal, libing church attendees) and of course the scoundrels of Recto of which they either want to earn a few buck or get a few bucks, all of them moved by the enchanting choreograph of the Nazarene’s dance. And for a split second there were no divisions. A million strangers doing a frenzied ballet in the tune of “Lord please hear our prayers”.

But whatever a person’s reason for joining the procession, it leads only to a simple and unified belief, that the grace of the Nazarene be upon to those who believe. This only shows that Filipinos are still preserving its culture, beliefs and principles (especially in terms of religion). Even if waves of secular modernization and the materialistic concept of globalization is upon us.

Hmmm…. The irony here is what if the reason for attending the traditional procession is just to ask for something in return. When I got home I realized that the Nazarene odyssey only mirrors the reality of what is really happening to the Filipino’s as a race, which in turn mirrors our political environment…. That we are in chaos, unruly, selfish and greedy, that we have lost the sense of care to one another and yet all of us wants the same thing… to grab hold of a piece of dream, a piece of heaven and be satisfied enough to sustain it. Like the piece of dream of cleansing the AFP of corruption which Lt. (s.g) Trillanes and company is arrogantly fighting for. Like the piece of dream of the National Recovery Program being a reality that Senator Gringo Honasan seemed to think worth hiding for. Like the piece of dream to have a strong republic and a stronger sense of national security which President GMA is working hard to attain at the expense of berating the media only to woo them again.

For me, as like to anything else that crosses my journey on finding the purpose to my existence…. This Nazarene odyssey is yet another experience.

 

fucked monday

another Monday morning….

i hate Mondays… to the highest level of stereo typical hatred of Mondays.

why do i hate it? coz its another working week. it’s a start of another five days of being caught sleeping at the office and having long sleepless nights drinking so i can…. well get sleepy. It’s another start…. it’s hard to start again and again…. again and again.

i woke up so early that i didn’t realized i only slept for a couple of hours. hhmm… must be the beer i intoxicated myself to sleep.

it’s gonna be a hell of a week. i know for sure… didn’t have rice for breakfast….
that’s a sure way that things might seriously be fucked up.

and well it is….

i didn’t mean it… but i accidentally farted the most hideous fart that i have ever made inside the FX…. the whole car stank like sauced up brocolli with bagoong. all i can do was smile and say sorry….

why didn’t i deny it?….

it was so fucking loud that the driver suddenly pulled over and checked that tires…. embarrassing yes…. but it’s a little bit fulfilling… in a very morbid and nickelodeon-isque kind of way.

going through my first three hours of shift… my teammate tapped my work station. i have no fucking idea that the whole row near, and even at the back of my desk was hearing my snore…. and to think that they where wearing headphones listening to music…. how loud can you snore while at the office?

i think i just broke that record.

well the good thing is my office task for today is all done and taken care off…. early enough to write a concept format presentation for our solar project. but they will always be a b-side to every good thing….

the b-side is… i have no idea what i would write….. blocked man…. completely blocked man!

well gtg…. I’m expecting the day to be lot worse when i get home….

i hate mondays man…. p*ta in*ng i hate mondays

 

A month ago, a couple of days before the holidays hit, the time when i questioned everything about my life, focusing rigidly on the aspect of breaking up with my two year “domestic partner”, I told everyone that I already moved on, that i no longer felt bitter.

But new year’s eve came. I saw my family hugged each other’s wives and husbands, dads and mother’s kissed their sons and daughters, even my widowed Lola has her friends with her…

….. I saw myself alone.

As the clock stroked midnight. There I was.

Alone.

Alone and staring at the colorful lights and being consumed by the bangs of firecrackers. Then i realized, at that moment, at that particular time. I haven’t moved on. But that was then….

January One hits and passes…. its now January Eleven.

I now feel free… free of that bitterness… There was no exact moment really. No defining strip of time line where i felt that i was no longer bitter.

Time has healed me. Time has kept me busy. Time, well, it saved me. It consumed me. Now I no longer think of being alone. I feel more secure and content on being single.

Hmmm… now I’m afraid to hook up with someone hahahha….

I’m so in love with being single! Well that’s probably an overstatement, going out and dating would be most welcomed. But nothing serious at this moment. I don’t wanna ruin or jinx my “roll”.

Roll? Well I am on a roll. I’m single. I’m not hard on the eyes (HA!!well I’m not ugly but i aint no Aga Mulach either), I have my own flat (it’s really more of studio type bungalow), financially I’m very “free”, besides renting out a small commercial space that I own, i luckily landed a great job doing what I love… Writing, I’m in a firm where most of my workmates are as insane or crazier than I am, giving me a sense of ultimate belongingness.And besides having a day job, my freelance writing projects for television is going full blast (one year of sacrificing a lot of things and never compromising…. It’s all worth it ‘coz its finally here!).

It’s all falling to pieces…

This year is well, gonna be better than the last.

2006 was a year when time stood still when my eyes were open and went zooming past by me when i blinked.

A time where I lost almost every hopes and dreams i had…and yet gained a lot of new things to embrace and dream about anew.

A time of losing and gaining.

Time… hmmm… it sums up everything that has happened to me for the past twenty six years of my existence…..

Time is life’s essential antibiotic….

It heals….

Life goes on. Time will be my i.v.

2006 was a turbulent and fruitful moment in my life. A time of When and Why?

2007 will be the defining year for me. A time of Now and Why not Why? -Drowning Dolphin

“Time is on my side… yes it is…”

- Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones

 

A lot of people tell me that I’m a great conversationalists… I don’t really know if that’s true, but it does tell me one thing…. I’m a chatter box… perils of being a favorite grandson of a devout catholic whose a member of CWL, it’s supposed to stand for Catholic Women’s League… I call it Chismisan Walang Lagot. I grew up waiting for my Lola and her church amigas to end a “meeting” ( all they talk about is who’s doing what and why their doing it). Also, my granddad is a much sought after public speaker doing the rounds giving recollections, ultreya and spiritual talks.

Having said that, I’d like to think that i grew up watching people being enveloped with words. I grew up and learned how to talk to almost anyone…. I grew up in the lands of words and conversations….

Quite fascinated by it.

When fortunate enough to have somebody to talk with, those who can dive beneath the shallowness of mundane realities…. I become…. somewhat of a lobbyist…. lobbying for what?

For something worthwhile to say and hear….

A couple of hours ago i ended a very interesting, fruitful and quite a long phone conversation with a female friend of mine…. the chat didn’t focused on any specific topic, but it did brought some sort of a reality buzz on my, I used to think, perpetually empty soul.

In some point during the conversation we talked about the idea that when all of us grow old… and sex is “obsolete”… all you and your partner will have is long conversations…. if your fortunate enough to find someone that will grow old with you and have long chats about anything and every thing….

And when the times come that either one of you will die, lack of a better and mild word to use, all you have is your hands gripping hers and your very last conversation…. your final chat…. your words and hers….

you final goodbye’s and I’ll be waiting for you there…

And it hit me…. as a writer I have always sunked and dived in almost all forms of melancholic attacks and sudden bursts of emptiness… i thought that there is no cure…. that my problem, specially in terms of failed relationships, is brought by that lack of feeling of contentment and satisfaction. And that I’ll never find “the thing” that will eventually fill the empty space that has been a part of my existence…

But now i know…

I get it…. what I’m looking for is for someone to talk with for the rest of our lives…. i felt empty with past relationships because there was no real conversations… just random talks about problems and the day to day realities….

No long talks about dreams, ideas, passions…. no intellectual orgasms exploding in my head….. its not that my ex’s are not that interesting to talk with… but most of my past girlfriends are more interested in the mundane problems of life…. jaded perhaps…. no more new things to say…. no more learning…. no more gaining…

That’s it… I fail in love because I haven’t found the long talks that i long for….

I long to have someone grow old with me and still talk about new things… new ideas… new dreams…..