Urbanized Dolphin

zzz… snorks… zzz… you like a little snootchie bootchie huh? zzz… Angel Locsin youre a total slut aren’t you huh…

That’s me sleep talking while dreaming sexual fantasies that will never ever happen.

Kablagag!

That’s reality waking me up before I go Rico Yan Mode. It’s my granny (my sweet Lola) banging may pad’s door as she enters. Normally my alarm clock would wake me up and I’ll find Lola’s-made breakfast spread on my dining table (she’s pretty sneaky, Ninja Lola). The usual Hotdogs, eggs and whole wheat bread.

But this day is different. Lola is on one of her hypertensive fits. It’s “gonna be a bad day” day.

Snoopy is right… in life some mornings are meant to be crappy.

Whapack… THUD THUD!

Nope. That’s not Lola’s ass hitting my cheaply done linoleum floor after tumbling off while traversing my thrash and dirty laundry clattered floor… It’s her angry fist beating my bedroom’s door. Yes this senile overbearing but loving 72 year old sweet granny of mine can pack a mean wallop.

“LOWE! LOWE! TUMAYO KA NA DIYAN TINAMANANG…!”

thanks for the wake up call and good morning to you too Lola.

Quickly, I got out of bed and opened the door. Instantly an artillery of in-your-face moral ethics suppository missiles disguised as words bombards my ears.

“Anu yung nabalitaan ko? BOMBA daw ang ginagawa mo sa opis!?! mana ka talaga sa tatay mo! Malaswa kayo pareho! Mag resign ka na! Kasalanan niyang ginagawa mo. Hindi ka na nga nagsisimba, ganyan pa hanap buhay mo?!? Wala ka na bang DIYOS?!? Kasalanan iyang ginagawa mo!!!

I tilted my head and said… “Di ba dialogue ni Nida Blanca yan kay Dina Bonnevie sa pelikula? Tang ina anu ba title nun?”

My lola quickly replied “Tanga, si Jay Manalo nagsabi nun kay Aubrey Miles sa pelikulang prosti.”

“Weh?” What does she know…

“Kumain ka na! Malaswa kang bata ka. Ayan ang hotdog at pandesal kainin mo na” she said while sweeping my floor. As my Lola left I contemplated my sinner status while I splurge on hotdogs and eggs.

My spangkinly sweet neurotic granny is right. I’m a churchless sinful prick and Nida Blanca didn’t say anything remotely religious to Dina Bonnevie (her line was MAGDUSA KA!)

I’m a sinner yes. Aren’t we all? (Yes, Mike Velarde, that’s include you!)

But I am not godless. I’m agnostic, Theist Agnostic (I-google nyo na lang!) to be more specific..

A believe that there is a god but it’s not the gods of countless religions and sects that promises salvation. Why believe in institutions with contradictory dogma’s, messianic promises and church contribution pleadings?

it’s hard for Lola to understand this. She practically raised me in a very catholic environment.

I grew up seeing Parish Priests having lunch on our ancestral house. I attended Legion of Mary meetings with aunts and uncles. And yes, i was once an altar boy,

This whole thing burned me out. It opened my eyes…

That diving looking Parish Priests are lunch freeloading bastards. Some are caught stealing misdirecting church funds to support his drinking binge and boracay trips. Some get their secretaries pregnant. One quit the calling to study law after saving up away from services and donations. (oist! professional career din pala ang pagpapari! Collect now , save up and then quit on Jesus to study law or nursing)

That Legion of Mary meetings start with prayer then ends up with gossips and beer discussions.

That altar boys are prey for gay deacons, and that mass wine (mompo) taste like wet cigarette ashes (I tasted the ash to see compare it with the wine and see what’s more shitty tasting, it taste the same), and that altar boys are trophies of parents who don’t have enough time seeing their kids grow up (Oist! Tignan mo anak ko, mabait yan, Sakristan yan alam mo ba? how tupperware-ish)

Why believe in something that forces your eyes to look at the other direction so we could ignore and deny the hypocracy?

It’s not belief. It’s personal deception.

I’m not an atheist. I haven’t complete gone mental and I’m pretty sure I’m not stupid (Jake, sorry man, being a genius does not necessarily means enlightened intellect. but i still respect your atheist life and sodom bound ass! hehehe)

I still believe the there’s something more greater than everything in this universe. Something supremely awesome.

A being that fills the void and justifiably answering the questions on life’s every aspect, context, and any possible words that ends with “T”.

God exists. But we have no way of comprehending his actuality. Our mundane minds cannot process and absorb his awesomeness.

God’s not indifferent. He’s there letting us be. Experiencing life through our lives. Through our tears and smiles.

Like a sims player watching his own created world.  That’s what I believe in. God holding a remote and channel surfing.

“Lola I’m not godless. I just don’t believe in your religion”

THUD…

that’s my lola passing out and hitting the floor.

Wang wang wang wang wang…..

That’s me mimicking the sound of an ambulance’s horn while checking if she’s all right.

“RELIGION is POISON!”

- chairman MAO TSE TSUNG.