Filed under: Uncategorized
“Leaving Las Vegas”
Life springs eternal
On a gaudy neon street
Not that I care at all
I spent the best part of my losing streak
In an Army Jeep
For what I can’t recall
Oh I’m banging on my TV set
And I check the odds
And I place my bet
I pour a drink
And I pull the blind
And I wonder what I’ll find
I’m Leaving Las Vegas
Lights so bright
Palm sweat, blackjack
On a Saturday night
Leaving Las Vegas
Leaving for good, for good
I’m leaving for good
I’m leaving for good
Used to be I could drive up to
Barstow for the night
Find some crossroad trucker
To demonstrate his might
But these days it seems
Nowhere is far enough away
So I’m leaving Las Vegas today
I’m standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win
I quit my job as a dancer
At the Lido Des Girls
Dealing blackjack until one or two
Such a muddy line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do
I’m leaving Las Vegas
And I won’t be back
No I won’t be back
Not this time
Without you, I’m as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even though I don’t know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together. I swear, I’ll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I’ll clean the toilet every week. I’ll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words “hooters” and “love rockets” from my vocabulary. I’ll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it “May May”. I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I’ll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won’t buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a witch with a capital B. And your folks don’t have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I’ll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I’ll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on my makeup. If you’re a cat person, I’ll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can’t. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like “Pride and Prejudice”. I’ll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won’t curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say “yes” when you ask, “Is my hair looking okay tonight?” I’m gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word “cuddle”. I’ll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I’m gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I’ll actually write you real letters when we’re apart. I’m never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I’ll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you’ll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I’ll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you’ve ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die.
Filed under: LUI's real life SITCOM
early 2004. C5 road just a few meters before the market market flyover. Past Midnight.
Ogi, one of my home budz just had coffee at a pastry shop along the C5 highway (the speed demon’s lair, with in a year just after it opened almost three dozen lost thier lives on this accident prone highway). We were both wearing tanktops and shorts (how fucking gay!) and was driving home on my first generation Honda wave 125 cc motor bike.
I was driving and Ogi was flexing his muscles while at the back.
BOTH WITHOUT HELMETS.
We were going way way way past the the speed gauge. I didn’t realized it until Ogi shouted at me.
OGI – Paye! nalagpasan ba natin yung honda accord? o baka
nag-dedaydream lang ako? (Dude! Did we just pass that accord?
or am i just day dreaming?)
I looked at my gauge, the needle was on the 120 km/h mark. Fuck! I got carried away.
OGI – Paye sana pala nag helmet tayo! para di tayo mabasa sa ulan!
(Dude we should have worn the helmets! so we wont get soaked
from the rain!)
LUI – Anung ulan? (What rain?)
OGI – Hindi umuulan? E ba’t nababasa mukha ko? (Isn’t it raining?
then why am I getting wet?
LUI- Tanga! Laway ko lang iyun! Di ko makontrol yung pisngi at labi
ko sa sobrang bilis ng hanging tumama sa akin! (Idiot! its me!
im drooling because the were driving to fast!)
OGI – OKAY! …. Aba ginoong maria napupuno ng ka na grasya…
(Hail mary full of grace….)
after a few minutes….
LUI – Ogie wala na tayo sa highway (Ogie were not on the higway
anymore)
I suddenly felt a warm wet sensation running on my back.
Ogi fucking pissed on me.
I felt violated. Very much violated.
Filed under: Uncategorized
zzz… snorks… zzz… you like a little snootchie bootchie huh? zzz… Angel Locsin youre a total slut aren’t you huh…
That’s me sleep talking while dreaming sexual fantasies that will never ever happen.
Kablagag!
That’s reality waking me up before I go Rico Yan Mode. It’s my granny (my sweet Lola) banging may pad’s door as she enters. Normally my alarm clock would wake me up and I’ll find Lola’s-made breakfast spread on my dining table (she’s pretty sneaky, Ninja Lola). The usual Hotdogs, eggs and whole wheat bread.
But this day is different. Lola is on one of her hypertensive fits. It’s “gonna be a bad day” day.
Snoopy is right… in life some mornings are meant to be crappy.
Whapack… THUD THUD!
Nope. That’s not Lola’s ass hitting my cheaply done linoleum floor after tumbling off while traversing my thrash and dirty laundry clattered floor… It’s her angry fist beating my bedroom’s door. Yes this senile overbearing but loving 72 year old sweet granny of mine can pack a mean wallop.
“LOWE! LOWE! TUMAYO KA NA DIYAN TINAMANANG…!”
thanks for the wake up call and good morning to you too Lola.
Quickly, I got out of bed and opened the door. Instantly an artillery of in-your-face moral ethics suppository missiles disguised as words bombards my ears.
“Anu yung nabalitaan ko? BOMBA daw ang ginagawa mo sa opis!?! mana ka talaga sa tatay mo! Malaswa kayo pareho! Mag resign ka na! Kasalanan niyang ginagawa mo. Hindi ka na nga nagsisimba, ganyan pa hanap buhay mo?!? Wala ka na bang DIYOS?!? Kasalanan iyang ginagawa mo!!!
I tilted my head and said… “Di ba dialogue ni Nida Blanca yan kay Dina Bonnevie sa pelikula? Tang ina anu ba title nun?”
My lola quickly replied “Tanga, si Jay Manalo nagsabi nun kay Aubrey Miles sa pelikulang prosti.”
“Weh?” What does she know…
“Kumain ka na! Malaswa kang bata ka. Ayan ang hotdog at pandesal kainin mo na” she said while sweeping my floor. As my Lola left I contemplated my sinner status while I splurge on hotdogs and eggs.
My spangkinly sweet neurotic granny is right. I’m a churchless sinful prick and Nida Blanca didn’t say anything remotely religious to Dina Bonnevie (her line was MAGDUSA KA!)
I’m a sinner yes. Aren’t we all? (Yes, Mike Velarde, that’s include you!)
But I am not godless. I’m agnostic, Theist Agnostic (I-google nyo na lang!) to be more specific..
A believe that there is a god but it’s not the gods of countless religions and sects that promises salvation. Why believe in institutions with contradictory dogma’s, messianic promises and church contribution pleadings?
it’s hard for Lola to understand this. She practically raised me in a very catholic environment.
I grew up seeing Parish Priests having lunch on our ancestral house. I attended Legion of Mary meetings with aunts and uncles. And yes, i was once an altar boy,
This whole thing burned me out. It opened my eyes…
That diving looking Parish Priests are lunch freeloading bastards. Some are caught stealing misdirecting church funds to support his drinking binge and boracay trips. Some get their secretaries pregnant. One quit the calling to study law after saving up away from services and donations. (oist! professional career din pala ang pagpapari! Collect now , save up and then quit on Jesus to study law or nursing)
That Legion of Mary meetings start with prayer then ends up with gossips and beer discussions.
That altar boys are prey for gay deacons, and that mass wine (mompo) taste like wet cigarette ashes (I tasted the ash to see compare it with the wine and see what’s more shitty tasting, it taste the same), and that altar boys are trophies of parents who don’t have enough time seeing their kids grow up (Oist! Tignan mo anak ko, mabait yan, Sakristan yan alam mo ba? how tupperware-ish)
Why believe in something that forces your eyes to look at the other direction so we could ignore and deny the hypocracy?
It’s not belief. It’s personal deception.
I’m not an atheist. I haven’t complete gone mental and I’m pretty sure I’m not stupid (Jake, sorry man, being a genius does not necessarily means enlightened intellect. but i still respect your atheist life and sodom bound ass! hehehe)
I still believe the there’s something more greater than everything in this universe. Something supremely awesome.
A being that fills the void and justifiably answering the questions on life’s every aspect, context, and any possible words that ends with “T”.
God exists. But we have no way of comprehending his actuality. Our mundane minds cannot process and absorb his awesomeness.
God’s not indifferent. He’s there letting us be. Experiencing life through our lives. Through our tears and smiles.
Like a sims player watching his own created world. That’s what I believe in. God holding a remote and channel surfing.
“Lola I’m not godless. I just don’t believe in your religion”
THUD…
that’s my lola passing out and hitting the floor.
Wang wang wang wang wang…..
That’s me mimicking the sound of an ambulance’s horn while checking if she’s all right.
“RELIGION is POISON!”
- chairman MAO TSE TSUNG.
Filed under: LUI's real life SITCOM
shssssh… Innocence is extinct.
Back in college I really had a huge crush with one of my classmates on my Media Ethics class. It took me a month to even have the guts to ask her out. She seemed so perfect and very innocent. The types of chick you bring home to your mother to have dinner with. The types you really dole out money on a date.
So after a month of awkward smiles, corny jokes and eerie glances with her I got the balls and asked her out. To my surprise she said yes, we settled on having a dinner on our first date…
I was so happy inside that I didn’t realize I was humming Jamie Rivera’s “Golden Jubilee Song” (don’t even ask how I know the melody). She laughed a little and I saw her cute smile, her dimples magnetized my eyes (wow magnetized… effing gay of me). She told me I didn’t looked like the religious type.
I decided to bring her to Nipa Hut, then a cozy romantic open air resto setting along McKinley road (yes! its near Victoria court… purely coincidence, i didn’t expected to get laid on our first date).
the whole night went well, a dinner of seafoods, an enchanting serenade from the house guitarist, colorful and humorous conversation and a couple of glasses of wine. Maybe not a couple….
Coz by the end of night, well, her little innocent self just disappeared.
I thought this was only the beer talking. I was a bit tipsy too, so I took the risk that I thought was way over my head.
I asked her… “so you wanna go somewhere private where we can talk… privately?” I emphasized the private part.
She said yes. WOW! I felt like Robin Padilla. That night I was like the gifted son of the Giggolo Gods!
My brain went to super active imagination mode. With my hands trembling and my cock tingling I paid the bill and we quickly dashed off to Victoria Court.
As we went inside, with her little cute self clinging tightly on my arms, i looked at her and marveled on how beautifully innocent she looked at that moment. Actually it was more like tipsy and horny. hehehe… damn!
but then everything collapsed…
tang ina… lahat ng makasalubong namin na attendant kilala at binabati siya eh… may pahabol pang SUKI! SUKI!
ang leche regular dun.
but I didn’t mind that. I thought that it was the mix of red wine and adrenaline making me delusional.
So when we got inside a room I told her if she wanted beer…
anakanang… ay red wine lang daw talaga siya, di siya umiinom ng beer… pero kung gusto ko daw kaya niyang upuan ung bote….
nawindang ang lolo nyo mga friends… anu ba tong babaeng to… hunyango? sa umaga sweet looking estyudante, sa gabi hardcore sex machine.
biglang tumayo ang hitad. sabi “Im gonna go to the cr”
that time i was really horny. so i grabbed her and took her clothes off…
only to realize that there was another set of clothes underneath it. I asked her “anu ka ba? takot ka bang ma-rape?”
she instantly laughed… “Eh Gago! di na damit yan”
Anakanang… tattoo pala…. tadtad ng tattoo ang hitad….
leche… during that time kinakabahan na ako… baka ativan tong classmate kong ito ah…
but that didn’t affected the wild sex. After one round and an hour and a half of kinky and dirty love making (yes that moment, i still thought of it as love making). She got a butt and smoked and quickly asked me…
“iisa ka pa ba?”
sabi ko “baket may pupuntahan pa ba tayo?”
“ewan ko ikaw, ako may date pa, nagtext na yun susunod sayo, nasa nipa hut na rin, ei nga pala, huwag mo sabihin sa mga classmate natin na libre to ha, alam nila girl for hire ako eh.”
Anakanang puta…. yung innocentengcrush ko… puta pala…
Filed under: Dolphin Thoughts
I am my father’s son.
So they tell me. If it weren’t true then my mom is a total slut. But the wicked similarities on our personalities proves me that he really is my father… which proves that your no slut ma’! Love ya Ma!
The other day we had a serious verbal clash. He’s been “holiday-ing” at my pad for a couple of months now (his wife threw him out). The father-son spat was about shit. Literally, it was about his shit. We have the same morning schedules and every single day he always get to the bathroom first.
I love my dad. But when you go right into a bathroom after he’d done his shitting. Whoa, better take in a can of air freshener with you. I kid you not, the fucking stench of his waste can really violate one’s soul. I shit you not my friends. My dad’s shit reeks so bad that even Satan himself will puke all the evil in him.
So I said something about it to him. Don’t know if it was my approach but he got pissed.
We ended up screaming at each other… because of shit. Hehehe… I still find it funny.
Since that morning my dad hasn’t crashed at my place yet. I kinda miss him. But the shit stench in the morning, that I don’t miss.
Let me tell you about my dad…
My dad’s a custom police. NO, not like the border custom cops on U.S. reality T.V. where ruggedly handsome men with ripped bodies in tactical gear wear and high powered guns for toys go hunting illegal border jumpers and does smuggling busts.
Where in the Philippines… have some dignity, cops here are rugged… that’s it. Just take a look at my dad. This mid 50’s father of mine is a tattooed long hair sporting diabetic port police. Most of guys on his team are chain smoking tough guys you’d mistakenly think as bums or Italian wiseguys just hanging out together. ]
Tactical gear? Fuck that man, for these guys uniforms are for VIP occasions only. It’s jeans sneakers and a shirt 24/7. And the bulging 9mm Berretta, Parabellum or Llama bulging on their bellies.
My hippie looking civil servant of a father clairvoyantly named me after him. My old man must have seen that’ll I’ll grow up having his exact character and personality. OR, the guy was just so high on something that put in his name on the birth registration as my Demerol high mom got out of the labor room. Whichever, I’m still stuck and will remain his Junior.
Erpat’s as I call him is the happy go lucky “Man” man types. With very open views and has a Machiavellian approach towards life. Much like me, I don’t know if its DNA watching him intently while growing up rubbed his persona unto me but almost everyone in one family describes me as “very much the same”.
No, we don’t look alike. Quite the opposite really. He’s a long hair since i can remember. I spent six years as a skin head and always liked my hair to be neat and clean. He’s tanned (looks like the the Bagets-pre drugged William Martinez in his youth) I’m a freckled face splattered mestizo (several girls I dated told me i looked liked Wendell Ramos when i was still at 185lbs… Ha! Fucking lying bitches. Now I’m a bloated John Belushi look alike. An he an aging De Niro.
He stands 5′6”. I lurch a 6 flat height. I got my physical genes from my mom.
My elder brother is his exact look alike, less the intimidating mass on his broad arms, broad shoulders, chest, head… Heck everything in him is broad. Except his tiny “pinky” wahahahaha!
But personality wise, I’m clearly my father’s son. I’m both proud and regretfully aware of this. The good and bad stuffs in him are custom fitted in me.
The good.
My dad is the man of the masses in both my grand folk’s two clans. His exceptional PR skills and comedic wit usually makes him the life of the party. A common sense and witty smarts ables him to effectively converse with anyone from any walks of life. And i mean any. He can effectively lobby something to a meth junkie or a political high power figure (V.P. Noli de Castro was his home boy back in the day, Ka Noli even hanged out on my granddad’s billiard hall)
He’s cocky. A confidence that borders into the point of arrogance, but he gets away with it because of his charm. Ah, charm. That he does overflow with. His popularity in our town maybe compared with “The Kris Aquino Complex / Persona”. You either love him or hate him. But still you cant get enough of him.
He’s also a “bolero”. A smooth talker when it comes with girls. Thankfully I inherited that. I haven’t had any hard times getting girls (except for one goddamn chick that I was really into three years back, you know who you are bitch!). I got his wit and very disarming sense of humor.
It was understandable for him to get the girls because he’s handsome. Was handsome. But for me (I often manage to wondered how I managed to follow his steps), I thank him for rubbing his charming and funny appeal onto me. I’m not as good looking as he was back in his day but I do have this “appeal” hehehehe (fuck you angel! Don’t even dare to comment)
“sabi nga ni Tsong Joey Marquez( na inisip ni Ipe Pelino )…. kila Richard Gomez at Benjie Paras…. Sa inyo na ang kagwapuhan! Sa akin ang sex appeal!”
The bad.
The bad boy rep and the knight in shining armor complex. He is known to have a violent past. All of which are not just random anger bursts. He usually ends up in a bloody street fight defending our family’s honor or saving a damsel in distress. Bloody fights with what he considers as rotting individuals are literally legendary.
One of his fight stories that I’ve heard was when he fought three brothers right outside their house. He taped a dried manta ray tail whip on his left arm and a 7 inch blade on his right. He nearly died on that encounter, but he’s best pal “Balot” (can’t remember his real name, they call him balot because he looks like a duck embryo hehehehe) managed to save him.
One of the three brother’s attacked from his rear, with a fan knife. Balut instinctively hugged my dad and used his back as a knife cushion. That’s what buddy’s should be. Balut has two deep stabbed wound and got marks to prove it.
When the cops came they ordered everyone to raise their hands and drop anything their holding. My dad was the only one left standing, but he can’t drop his blade and whip because of it was really taped hard on his hands. The cops thought that he was being a hard ass so they shot him.
One bullet slashed in him, just right under his ribs and came out the other side. He survived that night and became a street legend. A street fighters urban tale. Up to this day our town’s hardcore pinoy street hoodlums respect him and me, his junior.
I too had my shares of street violence. One fight that I had is very similar to what my dad when through. It was when I got my ear left ear sliced in two. I was fighting three guys.
The details a bit blurry, but I do remember that I was on top of the biggest guy of the three and was giving him knuckle sandwiches and elbow hits when I sensed his pal attacking me on my rear left side. At the last possible second I leaned towards my right and and grabbed his hand. He dropped a blade which i quickly took. They ran like school girls when they saw me brandishing the knife.
I didn’t realize that my ear got cut only after Candice (my girlfriend during that time) told me that the left side of my head is bleeding like a faucet. I brushed the area and felt that my ear was sliced in half.
At the e.r. the doctor said that the guy was probably aiming to stab me just underneath my ear. Meaning the guy was really set on killing me. I jut got lucky. But I did have to undergo a couple of hours of being stitched, by an intern no less, with out any anesthetics whatsoever. 14 stitches on a three inch cut. How could that possibly be, I really have no idea.
I survived that night. Mostly because of luck. But I believe that my dad’s genes helped me. Sounds really crazy, but I positive that my confidence of him being my father guided me through that brawl.
That’s my dad. A basically a good half of who I am. I love my dad. I love him as much as I hate him.
I am after all my father’s son.
So dad… wherever you are….. can you shit there and come home to me? lolz
Filed under: Uncategorized
Im Leaving Las Vegas…. Im leaving with her.
nope i’m not in reno. Still in Manila doing my daily grinds.
so what the fuck do i mean?
I remembered watching Nicholas Cage’s Leaving Las Vegas, a movie about two morally rotting souls who wants to salvage what’s left of their humanity while living in the city of sin.
Leaving Las Vegas basically means straightening their lives. Turning their back at the past and leaving their sins behind.
That’s what me and my girl is doing right now…
Both our past has been so damnable that it drained all congenial aspects of our characters.
This time… its a time for changes… yep, that’s whats good while your young… you can scratch anything and everything and restart again…
Renewed… Thats it. Im Renewed. Like Refreshed… Clean…
Like jumping in a refreshing pool… with my baby jumping in with me…
Yes baby, Daddy’s Leaving Las Vegas…
And I’m Holding your arms. Just grab it hard and never look back…
We got everything we need… Don’t worry, were right where were supposed to be.
Let’s take it slow… No need to rush my baby… Daddy’s going nowhere with out you.
Filed under: Uncategorized
reverse payabangan
Lui: dude kaawa yung ibang writer ano 10k a month konti lang ang sobra sa pamasahe
John: Hinde naman siguro 12k pinakamababa na offer nila dito panu mo nalaman?
Lui: tsismoso ako eh
Steve: Di tol oo nga may mga 10k ata dito na writer. Depende yata sa offer eh.
John: Sabagay ako minimum pay lang dito otso mil…
Lui: Otso mil ampota… anu ka obrero?
Dell: ako nga e 100 pesos daily sapat lang panigarilyo.
Lui: buti na kayo may sweldo e… ko volunteer work lang e
Dell: kawang gawa lang para makapagbigay ng libog sa ibang tao ano heheheh.
Lui: uu, dedikadong porn writer ako pre!
Filed under: Dolphin Thoughts
Pinoy Comedy is Dead…
Sitcom in the Philippines are non-existent. What they have on t.v. right now that they call sitcoms are not funny and is trying forcibly to be funny…..
What the hell happened to sitcoms like Palibahasa Lalake, Abangan ang susunod na kabanata, Bistek, Iskul Bukol, Kool Ka Lang?!?
now what we got are comedians trying to make something of a concept that is hard to work with and scripts the has been used and rehashed and used again and again… ang again…
comedy is dead… we watch sitcoms not because its funny but because of the stars in it, and unfortunately… we don’t have anything better to do but wait for sexy starlet guests appear in a scene… (YEBA I DO THAT! lolz)
*** this script is supposedly the pilot episode of a sitcom in one of three major t.v. networks. But the project was canned in order to give way for some junkets programs that were bought cheap abroad…
hope you find it funny… funnier than the trash the networks throw at us *** puro pang nanay na ang mga jokes eh… lolz
Characters
Boss BIG – Berting Labra(may-ari ng resort)
CLINT – Long Mejia or Gene Padilla(anak ni Boss Big)
EHRIEL – Lead Vocals of Kamikaze(kaibigang matalik ni Clint)
Claire – LJ Moreno (Unica Hija ni boss big)
Fatima – Asia Agcaoili (Pamangkin ni Auntie Tita, Bagong Chef)
Auntie Tita- Ces Quesada ( ex ni Boss Big, Executive Secretary
ng Resort)
The Staff
DiDi – Ella V
Lili – Maui Taylor
· plus two peripheral girls
Lui lifeguard – Louie (the wheelchair bound character on the old BISTEK sitcom)
Kit The Bouncer – Diego of Bubble Gang
O ANG BABAE….
Pilot Episode
Written by: LUI
Scene 01.EXT. Road leading to the Resort. Day.
KINAKALADKAD NI CLINT SI EHRIEL.
CLINT
Ano ka ba? Malapit na tayo sa Resort ng Ama ko.
EHRIEL
Bakit ba natin kailangan pumunta dun? Ang sarap sarap ng buhay college natin ‘tol. Dapat nakatambay lang tayo sa dorm natin.
CLINT
Am lang ba ang pinadede sa iyo nung bata ka? Ano bang klaseng memory ang meron ka? Hindi ba’t sinabi ko na sa iyo, pinatawag tayo ng Ama ko. May sasabihin yata tungkol sa mana.
EHRIEL
Bakit malapit na bang matigok ang ama mo?
CLINT
Sana, este oo, este, ano ka ba? Quality time ang habol ko sa ama ko hindi iyung mana.
EHRIEL
Kunyari ka pa… balato ha…
CLINT
Siyempre naman, tara mainit na ang araw, nasa-sunburn ang sensitive skin ko. Malapit na ditto iyung resort.
DIDIRETSO SA PAGLALAKAD ANG DALAWA HANGGANG MAWALA SA EKSENA.
AFTER FIVE HOURS. NAKALUHOD NA SA LUPA SI CLINT. PUNO NG ALIKABOK AT NANLILIMAHID ANG KATAWAN.
CLINT
Ama, asan ka na? Bakit mo ako pinabayan… Nauuhaw na ako, uhaw na uhaw…
MAY HAWAK NA MINERAL WATER SI EHRIEL, NAKAPAYONG ITO AT MUKHANG FRESH NA FRESH. BABASAIN NIYA SA MUKHA SI CLINT.
CLINT
Ano ka ba? Lulunurin mo ba ako?
EHRIEL
Ayos rin ang drama mo ano, pang famas iyun ah.
CLINT
Hayup ka, may tubig at payong ka pala tapos pinabayaan mo lang akong maging taong grasa ditto.
EHRIEL
Alam mo tanggapin mo na, nawawala tayo. Buti pa magtanung ka na. Ayan iyung ale. Sige na.
MAY DADAAN NA ALE SA HARAPAN NILA
CLINT
O sige na sige na. Uhm, yo Miss!! Yo pwede bang ituro mo kami sa….
ALE
Bulag ba kayo? Ayan ang resort O!!!
SABAY ALIS NA ANG ALE. NASA HARAPAN NA SILA NG RESORT.
CLINT
Hanep iyung babaeng iyun ah? May powers iyun sa utak, biruin mo hindi ko pa tapos iyung sinasabi ko alam na niya na pupunta tayo sa resort.
EHRIEL
Walang powers yun pare, mukha ka talagang hindi naliligo kaya ka itnuro sa resort. Yuck ka ‘tol.
CUT TO:
SCENE 02. INT. BANQUET HALL NG RESORT. CONT.
GINAWANG SUGALAN NI BOSS BIG ANG BANQUET HALL. KAUNTI LAMANG ANG NAGSUSUGAL.
INAASIKASO NILA LILI, DIDI ANG MGA SUGALERO.
LILI
O mga bossing sabihin nyo lang kung ano ang kailangan nyo nandito lang kaming mga girls ha, taya lang kayo ng taya baka suerte kayo ngayon.
DIDI
Oo na mga sir, gusto nyo ba ng masahe? Marunong ako mag-shitzu massage.
LILI
Shitzu? Hindi ba aso iyun?
DIDI
Oo naman no, yung aso ang mag-mamassage hindi ako. Baka masugatan pa ang mga dalire ko sa mga taong ito, puro humps ang balat nitong isang ito oh!
LILI
Ssshh! Baka marinig ka, sige ka wala kang tip.
DIDI
Hindi bale babawiin ko, nuod ka lang…. o mga sir ayaw nyo talagang mag-pamassage habang naglalaro? Kayo rin, baka naman gusto nyong magdonate sa donation chest, mapupunta sa kabutihan ang mga idodonate nyo.
I-WIWIGGLE NI DIDI ANG KANYANG DIBDIB. MATUTULALA ANG MGA SUGALERO. MAGHUHULOG SILA NG PERA SA CLEAVAGE NI DIDI.
DIDI
Sige I-shoot nyo lang ng I-shoot sa donation chest ko…
LILI
Ayos iyang racket mo ah, ako rin ako rin.
PAPASOK SI BOSS BIG. NAKAYAKAP ANG DAWALANG TSIKS SA KANYA.
BOSS BIG
Ano ba mga bebot ko? Ok ba itong naisip ko? Sugalan sa may resort, paniguradong malakas ang kamig ko dito… habang lumalangoy ang mga bata, nagsusugal ang mga matatanda.
LILI
Ay, boss big kayo pala
LALAPIT SI DIDI AT LILI. HAHALIKAN NITO ANG KAMAY NI BOSS BIG.
DIDI
Dumidiskarte lang po ng tip boss big.
BOSS BIG
(Sasabihan ang dalwang bebot na naka-akbay sa kanya)
O mga iha, palitan nyo muna silang dalawa, kayo na ang mag-asikaso sa mga kliyente natin.
DiDi, Lili Ano to? Ilagay nyo sa tip box iyan, dapat may cut din ako diyan.
LILI
Boss big nasa donation chest naman namin.
BOSS BIG
Donation chest ba kamo, o sige dudukutin ko na ang naipon nyo ha…
DIDI
Kayo naman hindi na po kayo mabiro, sige po ilalagay na namin sa tip box.
LILI
Boss Big, medyo mahina po ang kabig natin.
PAPASOK SI CLAIRE. MAY TANTRUM ITO.
CLAIRE
Daddykins, Bakit mo ginawang sugalan itong banquet hall! You promised me na you’ll make this a disco house para may sariling gimikan kami ng mga friends ko! Hmp!
BOSS BIG
Good morning rin iha.
CLAIRE
Ay nako Daddykins, kapag hindi nyo ako sinunod mapapahiya ako sa mga friends ko.
BOSS BIG
Pero iha, nasa gitna tayo ng palayan walang dadayong makipag diskuhan dito.
CLAIRE
Ah basta! Gusto ko ng sariling gimikan. Daddykins, this is a resort not a casino.
BOSS BIG
Iha, alam mo naman na hindi ako marunong magpatakbo ng resort, sugal lang ang alam ko. Kungdi ko lang namana sa lolo mo itong resort na ito…
CLAIRE
Ah basta! Kapag hindi mo ginawang disco house ito! Kill me na lang kaya!
PATAKBONG EEXIT SI CLAIRE.
BOSS BIG
Naku tinamaan ka na… Girls habulin nyo yun. Magpapamasahe lang ako sandali.
CUT TO:
SCENE 03. FRONT GATE NG BIKINI PARADISE. CONT.
CLINT
Eto na nga iyon, eto na iyung resort. Pang bigtime hindi ba? Pero bakit para wala atang tao. Tao po! Tao po!
EHRIEL
Wow, hanep sa pangalan, Bikini Paradise. Malamang naka-bikini lahat ng tao dito.
LALABAS SI KIT. NAKATRUNKS LANG ITO.
KIT
Ang iingay nyo ah! Ano bang probblema nyo?!?
CLINT
Sabi ko tao po, hindi engkanto. Anak ako ni Beganyo Paraiso, andiyan ba siya? Saka sino ka ba?
KIT
Ako ang head of security ditto! Anak ka ni boss big, hindi ako naniniwala, mukha kang hoodlum. Umalis na kayo ditto baka hindi pa ako makapagpigil.
EHRIEL
Pare mukha ka raw hoodlum, payag ka ba nun?
CLINT
Aba’t gusto ata nitong makatikim ah! Pare alalayan mo ako, I-jojoey marquez ko ito!
BUBUHATIN NI EHRIEL SI CLINT. IPA-FLYING KICK NILA SI KIT.
KIT
Waaa, isusumbong ko kayo sa kuya ko mga hayup kayo!
TATAKBO SI KIT SA LOOB. TATAKBO NAMAN PALABAS SI CLAIRE.
EHRIEL
Clint, hindi ba utol mo iyan?
CLINT
Abay oo nga ano, Hey Sister What’s up?!?
CLAIRE
What’s up mo ang mukha mo Ulol!
EXIT NA SANA SI CLAIRE. MAKAKATITIGAN NIYA SI EHRIEL
EHRIEL
Hi im EHRIEL, with a capital E.H…. pwede bang malaman kung anong unit ng cellphone mo.
CLINT
Hoy kapatid ko iyan.
CLAIRE
Kuya cute ang friend mo…
CLINT
Hindi kayo bagay nyan. Bakit ba nakabusangot ang mukha
CLAIRE
Isa ka pa! pinagkakaisahan nyo ako.
CLINT
Anung problema nun? Hey sister, don’t do that to me.
PASOK SI DIDI AT LILI. HINAHABOL NILA SI CLAIRE. MAHAHARANGAN SILA NI CLINT. TATAMAAN NG MGA BRASO NITO ANG KANILANG DIBDIB.
LILI
Ay bastos ka! Manghihipo.
DIDI
O nga, manghihipo, ulitin mo nga ulit.
LILI
Teka muna sino ka ba at haharang harang ka diyan?
CLINT
Ako si Clint, anak ako ni Biganyo Paraiso.
LILI
Anak ka ni Boss Big? Parang hinde, mukha kang hoodlum eh.
CLINT
Totoo iyun, anak niya ako.
(nakatitig sa dibdib ng dalawa)
mula sa dibdib iyan, este, dibdiban na katotohanan, este, anyways. Hayaan nyo magpakilala kami ng kaibigan ko.
(lilingon kay EHRIEL)
pare, iaala-Dolphy ko ang pagpapakilala ko ditto.
EHRIEL
Teka lang tol, baka sumabit ka nyan, baka majontis agad iyan, mahal pa naman ang bayad ng pagpapaanak sa hospital ngayon. Buti ba kung may medicard o philhealth ka.
CLINT
You have a point there… sige iaala-vic sotto ko na lang to…
hi girls, ako na pala si clint,
(Gagawin ang Vic Sotto Beso Beso Kiss)
EHRIEL
Ayos iyan ah, ako naman. Hi Girls, by the way I’m EHRIEL, with a Capital E.H.
LILI at DIDI
E.H.?
EHRIEL
Yes, Eternally Horny…
PAPASOK SI BOSS BIG.
BOSS BIG
Anak ikaw ba iyan
CLINT
AMA! Aking Ama ako nga!
YAYAPOS SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL KILA DIDI AT LILI
BOSS BIG
Oy mga Ulol! Andito ako!
CLINT
Ay ama, mano po, siya nga pala si EHRIEL, yung tropa ko sa college.
BOSS BIG
Kakapadala ko pa lang ng tuition nung pasukan ah, saka kelan ba kayo matatapos, aba, bago pa mag-massacre sa mendiola naka-enroll na kayo ah.
CLINT
Tatay naman, pinatawag nyo ako hindi ba? Boss Big na ang tawag sa inyo, kung kailan kayo tumanda saka in kayo lumande.
EHRIEL
Eh bakit na ba Boss Big ang tawag sa inyo Tito?
BOSS BIG
Gusto mo talagang malaman, kayo mga girls? Gusto nyo malaman?
SASAGOT NG OO ANG LAHAT. TATALIKOD SI BOSS BIG AT IPAPAKITA ANG KAYANG PUSOD. MAMAMANGHA ANG LAHAT.
LILI
Ang laki naman niyan.
DIDI
Oo nga, kuwatro gabilog…
EHRIEL
Oo nga, ang lake lake… ang lake lake ng butas ng pusod nyo, malaki in siguro ang bituka nyo no…
BOSS BIG
O di ba… o sige halika na kayo sa loob… may pag-uusapan tayo.
PASOK SILANG LAHAT SA LOOB. BALIK SI CLAIRE SA FRONT GATE. UMIIYAK.
CLAIRE
Waaahhh!! Bakit walang humabol sa akin!! Ang layo layo na ng tinakbbo ko wala palang tao sa likod ko!
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 04. EXT. BESIDE THE POOL. CONT.
NAKAUPO SILA BOSS BIG, CLINT AT EHRIEL SA ISANG LAMESA.
BOSS BIG
Buti naman at nakarating kayo. Kamusta naman ang pag-aaral nyo?
EHRIEL
Nailalabas naman namin ng anak nyo yung artistic talents. Three units na lang next sem at makakagraduate na kami ni Ehriel.
BOSS BIG
(nagbabalot ng papel)
Three units, three units. Ang kakapal rin ng apog nyo.
(hahampasin sila Clint at Ehriel)
dalawang EDSA revolution na ang nangyayari hindi pa rin kayo graduate. Hindi mo gayahin si Claire. Nakatapos agad.
DADAAN SI CLAIRE
CLAIRE
Daddykins! Bakit hindi nyo ako hinabol kanina! Napahiya ako. Hindi nyo ako talaga luvs!
BOSS BIG
I love you rin iha
CLINT
Unfair naman iyan ama, si Claire hindi artisitic, academics siya.
CLAIRE
Academics mo mukha mo! Elementary pa lang ako college ka na, naka-graduate na ako college ka pa rin!
CLAIRE
(iiyak)
Dadykins gusto ng disco.
BOSS BIG
O tahan na, o eto isang bungkos na pera. Mag-shopping ka muna.
CLAIRE
(kukuhain ang pera)
kala mo makukuha mo ako ditto.
AALIS SI CLAIRE
CLINT
Ama ako kaya kapag umiyak? May isang bungkos rin kaya ako?
BOSS BIG
Isang bungkos na sampal gusto mo? Andami ko nang gastos sa pag-aaral nyong dalawa ng kaibigan mo.
CLINT
hindi lang naman kami nag-aaral. Sumasideline rin kami ng part-time jobs.
EHRIEL
Tumpak iyun tito boss big, sa katunayan artistic photogapher po kame ng sikat na magazine.
CLINT
Oo ama totoo iyun, may kopya ako ditto tignan nyo.
(Dudukut ng ilang nakatuping tabloid sa kanyang bulsa)
eto oh, seksi ng mga cover, ganda ng anggulo ano.
BOSS BIG
Sikat na magazine? Eh Tiktik at Remate eto!
CLINT
Artistic naman Ama, pero maiba tayo ano bang nangyayari? Parang walang kabuhay-buhay ditto sa resort.
BOSS BIG
Baket? Kaya mong bigyan ng buhay ang resort?
CLINT
Ama salamat sa pagkakataon, marami akong balak ditto sa resort na ito. Dahil may units ako sa Advertising…
EHRIEL
Uy, ibig sabihin taping at photoshoot iyan
BOSS BIG
Wala pa naman akong sinasabing ikaw na ang manager. Ronda muna kayo sa resort at magpapamasahe lang ako.
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 05.EXT. KIDDIE POOL. CONT.
NASA LOOB NG KIDDIE POOL SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.
CLINT
Ano tol, palagay mo, maganda ditto mag-shut di ba?
EHRIEL
Oo maganda ang anggulo ditto, maliwanag pa ang natural lighting
PASOK SA EKSENA SI AUNTIE TITA. KASAMA NITO SI FATIMA.
AUNTIE TITA
Clint? Clint ikaw ba iyan? Bakit ka andito? Grumaduate ka na ba?
CLINT
Hindi pa tita, pero ginawa akong manager ni Ama ditto sa resort.
AUNTIE TITA
Ikaw ginawang manager? Aba, siya nga pala pamangkin ko si Fatima. Kakagraduate lang niyan ng Culinary arts, eh nag-aaply ditto. total ikaw na ang bagong manager. Ikaw na ang mag-interview.
NAGKATITIGAN SILA FATIMA AT CLINT. NAGKAROON SILA NG MOMENT. LUMINGON SI CLINT KAY EHRIEL, NAGMAMADALI NA ITONG UMAHON PAPUNTA KAY FATIMA, UNAHAN ANG DALAWA (SLOW MOTION SANA ANG EKSENA).
SA PAGMAMADALI NADULAS SI CLINT AT TUMAMA ANG MUKHA NITO SA DIBDIB NI FATIMA.
AUNTI TITA
O! sa swimming pool ka dumayb huwag sa dibdib ng pamangkin ko.
FATIMA
Ok lang naman po auntie tita.
AUNTIE TITA
E teka clint, sino ba iyang kasama mong mukhang asong ulol, tumutulo pa ang laway. Alam kong seksi ako pero nakakatakot na ang ganyang gesture ha.
EHRIEL
Ang kapal naman ng mukha nyan, mukha naman gurame
AUNTIE TITA
Ano iyon?
EHRIEL
Ang sabi ko po ako si EHRIEL, capital E.H. Ehriel. Kaibigan po ako ni Clint.
FATIMA
E.H.?
EHRIEL
Eternally Horny….
CLINT
Uhm, itigil mo iyan, mukhang disente iyanm huwag mong ala-Willy Revillame iyan.
EHRIEL
Este, eternally humorous, mahilig ako magpatawa.
HAHAWIIN NI CLINT ANG MUKHA NI EHRIEL. TITITIGAN NG HUSTO NI CLINT SI FATIMA
CLINT
Teka lang. Fatima come on babe… make may day.
Ang ibig kong sabihin eh ano bang klaseng luto ang specialty mo?
FATIMA
(malandi ang boses)
Ay, masarap po akong magluto, laging maiinit… Masabaw… At higit sa lahat… aayy… maaanghang… Aayy, ano ba iyan pinagpapawisan na ako. Pasensyan na po, talagang passionate lang po ako sa pagluluto ko.
CLINT
Aatakihin naman ako sa iyo ng hika sa pag-eexplain mo.
AUNTI TITA
O ano, tanggap na ba siya?
CLINT
Para sa akin tanggap na siya. Isasangguni ko muna kay ama, mamaya sa dinner.
AUNTIE TITA
o iyun naman pala, gusto mo siiya na ang magluto ng dinner mamaya
AALIS NA SILA AUNTIE TITA AT FATIMA
EHRIEL
Clint, hindi ka pa naming ginagawang manager ng tatay mo.
CLINT
Huwag ka nang makialam ako ng bahala diyan.
SEQUENCE 06. EXT. OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL. CONT.
NAGLILIFEGUARD DUTY SI LUI THE LOVERBOY. NAKATRUNKS LAMANG ITO AT MAY FLOOTING DEVICE SA MAGKABILANG BRASO.
MAY MGA SIGN BOARD SA GILID NG POOL: BAWAL MAG-NIGHTSWIMMING SA UMAGA, NO DRIVING SA POOL, BAWAL ANG MALUNOD, NO LEFT TURN.
LUI
(pipito)
oi walang tatalon!
PASOK SA EKSENA SI KIT
KIT
Kuya inagrabyado ako dun
LUI
Sino gumawa sa iyo niyan?
KIT
May dalawang mama kanina sa may gate, sinisipa ako sa mukha
LUI
Abat mga loko iyun ah! Asan yung mga iyun, sila ang pagsisipain ko.
ENTER SI BOSS BIG
BOSS BIG
Saan ka pupunta lui?
LUI
Hinde boss, inagrabbyado tong utol ko, hindi ako papayag nun. Tatakbuhin ko lang lumapastangan ditto.
BOSS BIG
Teka, easy ka lang, sinong bumugbog sa iyo?
PASOK SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.
KIT
Ayan boss big, ayang dalawang iyan!
LUI
Eto bang dalawang ito, hoy ikaw halika ditto square tayo.
MAGMA-MUCK FIGHT SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL LABAN KAY KIT AT LUI.
BOSS BIG
Ano ba itigil nyo yan!
CLINT
Ama, abusado itong mga ito eh.
LUI
Ama? (babatukan si kit) hayup ka anak pala ni boss big ito, pumunta ka na sa front gate at magbantay ka na lang duon.
CLINT
Ama sino ba ito?
BOSS BIG
Iyan si lui loverboy, lifeguard ko iyan ditto
EHRIEL
Lifeguard? Sigurado kayo?
LUI
Hoy, magaling akong lumangoy.
BOSS BIG
O siya siya, nagawa mo na ba ang trabaho mo?
LUI
Gagawin ko pa lang boss big.
MAGLALABAS NG LAMBAT SI LUI. AT IHAHAGIS NIYA SA POOL
CLINT
OI ano iyan? Ginawa nyong palaisdaan ang pool.
BOSS BIG
Ayus ba ang naisip ko? Habang nag-swiswimming ang mga customer, pwede na silang manghuli ng kakainin nila. O siya siya, diyan na kayo gusto ko na talagang magpamasahe.
MAPAPAKAMOT SI CLINT SA ULO. MAY SUMIGAW NG SAKLOLO.
EHRIEL
Oi pare may nalulunod ata, lui bilis languyin mo na.
BUBUHATIN NILA CLINT AT EHRIEL SI LUI. IHAHAGIS SIYA SA POOL
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 07. INT. BILLIARDS ROOM. CONT.
NAGPAPAMASAHE SI BOSS BIG KAY SA DALAWANG TSIKS NIYA. DADATING SI CLINT AT EHRIEL.
EHRIEL
Ayos yan boss big ah, pwede bang sumayd bet.
BOSS BIG
O sige, iihi lang ako.
TATAYO SI BOSS BIG. SI EHRIEL NAMAN ANG MAGPAPAMASAHE. HAHANAP LANG NG HALAMAN SI BOSS BIG PARA IHIAN.
CLINT
Alam mo ama, na ocular na naming ni Ehriel ang lugar… Ama baket ka naman diyan umiihe?
BOSS BIG
Bakit ba? Eh ihing ihi na ako. (haharap at aayusin ang zipper)
Ano iyung sinasabi mo?
CLINT
As I was saying, ama, nakita na naming ang buong lugar. Dami kaming ideas. Bakit hindi mo ako gawing manager. Para parelax-relax ka na lang jan.
BOSS BIG
Wala ka ditto parelax-relax na ako
CLINT
Ang ibig kong sabihin, pagagandahin natin itong resort. Aayusin natin, mang-aakit tayo ng mga customer para lumakas ang resort… at ang mini casino ‘nyo.
BOSS BIG
Alam mo minsan may pakinabang ka din anak, pero paano ang kapatid mo, si Claire, gusto niyang gawing diskuhan yung mini casino ko.
CLINT
(mapapatingin kay EHRIEL)
Akong bahala dun Ama.
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 08. EXT. FRONT GATE NG BIKINI PARADISE. CONT.
NAKATAMBAY SILA DIDI, LILI, LUI AT IBA PANG STAFF NG RESORT SA FRONT DESK.
LILI
May bago na raw tayong manager, yung bagong dating na anak ni boss big.
REACT ANG MGA STAFF SA NEWS. DARATING SI AUNTIE TITA KASAMA SI FATIMA
AUNTIE TITA
Hi guys, meron tayong bagong chef sa ating restaurant. Siya si Fatima, pamangkin ko.
UNISON ANG LAHAT NG STAFF SA PAG-HI KAY FATIMA.
DIDI
Auntie tita, totoo ba yung tsismis na may bago tayong manager?
AUNTI TITA
Confirmed iyun, si Clint anak ni Boss big ang bagong manager.
LUI
Eh di maraming pagbabago ang mangyayari sa resort?
AUNTIE TITA
Ay, nako, sana nga. Akalain mo bang gusto niyang gawing sugalan itong resort na ito. Eh simula nang itinayo ito pang pamilya ang lugar na ito.
FATIMA
Ay ganun po ba tita, well mukha naman mabait si Sir Clint.
AUNTIE TITA
Ewan ko ah, makakapalag ba siya kay boss big pag nagsalita na iyon. Kung ano-ano pa naman ang pumapasok sa utak nun. Gusto yatang sirain itong resort.
FATIMA
Sirain? Sayang naman ang ganda nito.
AUNTIE TITA
Sinabi mo pa, buti na hindi naituloy gawin yung balak niya ng una. Gawin Sementeryo ito.
LUI
Oo nga. Kung natuloy na gawin na sementeryo ito. Hindi ako lifeguard ngayon, sepulturero ako.
MAY DADAAN MATANDANG BABAE NA MAY KASAMANG BATA. NAKAITIM PAREHO.
FATIMA
Tita, customer ba sila sa resort?
AUNTI TITA
Ewan ko, pero linggo-linngo yan nakikita.
LUI
Ah si aling parting niya at ang anak niya. Kakabalo lang niyan.
Aling parting may kandila na po ba kayo?
AUNTITE TITA
Kandila? Para saan? Aling parting saan po ba kayo pupunta?
MATANDANG BABAE
Diyan ho sa may likod ng slide, diyan ho inilibing ang asawako. Magkanu ho ba ang kandila?
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 09. EXT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT.
KUMAKAIN NA NG GABIHAN SILA BOSS BIG, CLINT, EHRIEL AT CLAIRE.
BOSS BIG
Masarap itong lutong ito. Sino gumawa nito?
CLINT
Si fatima, pamangkin ng ex nyong si Auntie Tita. Kita mo Ama, isang araw pa lang akong manager may resulta agad.
EHRIEL
Ex ni Tito Boss Big si Auntie tita?
BOSS BIG
Oo ex, executive secretary ko yun.
CLAIRE
Ayaw mo pang aminin daddykins, naging girlfriend mo si Auntie Tita
BOSS BIG
Matagal ko nang naging syota yun, nakaraan na iyun. Claire, ginawa ko pa lang manager ng resort ang kuya mo.
CLAIRE
Ginawa mo siyang manager? Ako anong job title ko?
CLINT
Sis hindi ba HRM graduate ka, bakit hindi mo subukan na ikaw ang mag-manage sa restaurant. Para maging Bikini Paradise Resorts and Restaurant. Ang ganda pakinggan di ba?
CLAIRE
Paano na iyung disco na gusto ko daddykins? (iiyak)
BUBULUNGAN NI CLINT SI EHRIEL
EHRIEL
Mas bagay sa iyo yung maging manager ng restaurant kaysa sa disco. Mas may dating, mas sosyal. Kasi sa disco para kang mama san nun.
CLINT
Ginawa mo naming floor manager and sis ko.
PAPASOK SI AUNTIE TITA AT FATIMA
AUNTIE TITA
Biganyo, nakilala mo na ba ang pamangkin ko?
BOSS BIG
Ay anko may demonyo sa likod ko… O Tita kumain na ba kayo?
AUNTIE TITA
Plastik ka talaga kahit kailan
CLINT
Fatima, ang sarap ng luto mo, hindi kami nagkamali ni Ama sa pagkuha sa iyo.
FATIMA
Bolero pala kayo sir Clint
CLINT
O Claire hindi ka na mahihirapan mag-manage ng restaurant, magaling na chef si fatima. (sisikuhin si EHRIEL)
EHRIEL
(Mabubulunan)
Oo nga
BOSS BIG
Fatima may tutuluyan ka na ba?
AUNTIE TITA
Yun na ang ilalapit ko sa iyo. Gusto ko sana stay-in siya.
BOSS BIG
Walang problema dun, Claire total naman ay makakatrabaho mo si fatima, maganda mag-bonding na kayo bakit hindi kayo magsama sa appartelle mo.
CLAIRE
Ok lang basta ba…
MAGLALAAS NG ISANG BUNGKOS NA PERA SI BOSS BIG AT IAABOT KAY CLAIRE.
CLAIRE
Ang bait talaga ng daddykins ko. Tara na Fatima
EXIT NA SINA CLAIRE AT FATIMA
CLINT
Aunti tita, bilang executive ng Ama ko may kontak kayo sa mga datin nating kliyente di ba? Tulad nila congressman at sila mayor?
AUNTIE TITA
Oo naman, bakit anung binabalak mo?
CLINT
Balak ko sanang mag pa open bar bukas. Libre swimming pero may bayad sa buffet table. Kumbaga eh, parang re-opening ng resport.
BOSS BIG
Maganda ang naisip mo anak. May utak ka pala kahit minsan.
CLINT
Saka Auntie Tita, dapat lahat ng staff naka bikini at trunks laging nakabikini. Iyan dapat ang uniform ditto sa resort. Para naman tugma sa BIKINI PARADISE na pangalan natin.
AUNTIE TITA
Ok clint, magaganda ang mga ideya mo pero sana mag-work. O lakad na ako aasikasuhin ko na lahat ng Sinabbi mo.
CLINT
O bilib ka na sa management skills ko ama? EHRIEL, nasa tono pa ba ang plakada mo sa gitara?
EHRIEL
Slight, bakit?
CLINT
Tinamaan ako dun sa Fatima na iyun. Haranahin natin mamya.
CUT TO:
Sequence 10. EXT. VERANDA NILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA. LATER.
MANGHAHARANA SILA CLINT AT EHRIEL.
EHRIEL
Pareng Clint, ano bang babanatan natin? Dapat yung romantiko.
CLINT
Akong bahala, siguradong romantiko to. Pasadahan mo. I-e-eddie pergrina ko. “What am I doing for, if not for meee…”
EHRIEL
Tol baka imbes na labasin tayo e barilin tayo ditto
CLINT
Sige baguhin natin, Eto tamang taman kay fatima… “Ave, Ave, Ave Maria….”
EHRIEL
Pare, hindi naman tayo magbaba ng fatima eh.
CLINT
O sige, I-oldskewl mo na lang…
KANKANTA SILA NG KUNDIMAN. LALABAS ANG SA MAY VERANDA SILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA. MATATAPOS ANG PAGKANTA NILA EHRIEL AT CLINT.
FATIMA
Mayrun pa palang marunong mangharana ngayon
CLINT
Oo naman fatima, tanggapin mo ang aming pagkanta bilang welcome gift mula sa management.
CLAIRE
Hi EHRIEL! Kuya gusto kong kantahin nyo, yung My humps.
CLINT
Hindi naming kaya yun.
CLAIRE
Ayaw mo? isusumbong kita kay daddykins. (Sisigaw)
LALABAS SI BOSS BIG. TATABIHAN SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL
BOSS BIG
Ano tong kaguluhan na ito? Gabing gabi na eh. Nakakabulahaw na sa ibang guest ditto.
CLAIRE
DADDYKINS SI KUYA AYAW KANTAHI ANG MY HUMPS!
BOSS BIG
Kantahin mo na para matahimik na iyun.
CLINT
Ama hindi naming kaya iyun.
TULOY PA RIN ANG IYAK NI CLAIRE.
BOSS BIG
Kantahin nyo na!
CLINT
“My Amps, My amps, may amps, may amps, dagdagan mo pa ng sili, ang gusto ko marami…
EHRIEL
“…Ang gusto ko marami.”
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 11. EXT. BESIDE THE POOL. DAY-NEXT.
NAKABATHING SUIT ANG LAHAT NG GIRLS NATIN. NAG-SUSUNBATHING SILA SA MAY LEDGE. PABALIKBALIK NA RUMORONDA SI LUI SA PALIGID NG MGA GIRLS.
LALABAS NG KWARTO NIYA SI BOSS BIG AT MAG-IINGAT. MAKIKITA NIYA ANG MGA GIRLS NA NAS LEDGE. MANLALAKE ANG KANYANG MGA MATA. MABILIS SIYANG BABABA SA HAGDAN AT LALAPITAN SI LUI.
BOSS BIG
Para kang trumpo, nakakahilo ka.
LUI
Boss big, nakakapanggigil!
BOSS BIG
Oo nga…
YUYUKO SI BOSS BIG PARA MASDAN ANG MGA LEGS NG GIRLS. PAPASOK SA EKSENA SINA CLINT AT EHRIEL. KUKUHAIN NI CLINT ANG PITO SA LEEG NI LUI AT HIHIPAN. SA SOBRANG GULAT AY MASASALUBSOB SI BOSS BIG SA MGA GIRLS.
EHRIEL
Parang lugi tayo sa eksenang iyun.
CLINT
Oo nga eh naisahan tayo ng matandang ito.
BOSS BIG
Kayo talaga makakadisgrasya kayo ng tao. Bakit ba andito kayong lahat?
LILI
Eh sir may patawag po si Sir clint
DIDI
Oo nga may photo shoot at dance practice raw.
CLINT
Ama para bukas yan, pipicturan ko sila tapos ilalagay natin sa tarpoline para may malaman ng mga customer natin ang tamang swimming attire.
EHRIEL
At yung dance practice, yun ang opening sa open house night natin mamya.
DARATING SILA CLAIRE AT FATIMA
CLAIRE
Hi daddykins. Kuya saan mo ba isesetup ang catering?
EHRIEL
O paano ba yan, prapractisin ko na ang mga girls
CLINT
Teka muna hintayin mo ako
EHRIEL
Aba dapat asikasuhin mo muna yang catering
BOSS BIG
Sorry ka, manager ka.
CLINT
I-bobobot mortiz ko to… Pero ako ang nakaisip niyan eh!
FATIMA
Sir clint sa loob po ba tayo o sa labas.
CLINT
Mas maganda sa loob, para masrili kita.
FATIMA
Ano po?!??
CLINT
Hinde ditto tayo sa labas, open air dapat. Masasarap ba ang handa natin
FATIMA
Masasarap, puro native food para bumagay sa ambience ng resort
CLAIRE
Ako ang bahala sa decorations kuya.
CLINT
Ayos!
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 12a. EXT. HARAPAN NG APPARTELLE. NIGHT.
NAKA-SET UP NG ANG LAHAT. LAHAT NG STAF AY NAKA BIKINI. MAY CATERING NA RIN. BISITA NA LAMANG ANG KULANG.
CLINT
Ayos ito, everything is going well,
EHRIEL
Oo nga Clint, panalong panalo ang plano mo.
MAPAPANSIN NG DALAWA SI LUI NA NAKASAKAY SA FLOATING DEVICE.
CLINT
Anong ginagawa mo diya?
LUI
Ginagawa ko ang trabaho ko. Malay mo ba habang nagsasayaw sila diyan, may matipalok at least handa ako.
ENTER SA EKSENA SI AUNTIE TITA.
AUNTIE TITA
Maganda set-up ha…
CLINT
Nakontak nyo ba ang mga guest natin? Si mayor, si undersecretary?
AUNTIE TITA
Papunta na sila
EHRIEL
Dapat pala maipraktis na ang mga girls. Girls cum her.
LALABAS ANG MGA GIRLS. MAGPRAPRAKTIS NA SILANG MAG-SAYAW NG BIGLANG KUMULOG AT UMULAN. TAKBUHAN ANG LAHAT SA FIRST FLOOR NG APPARTELLE.
CUT TO:
SEQUENCE 12b. INT. FIRST FLOOR NG APPARTELLE. NIGHT.
NAKATAYO ANG LAHAT NG STAFF SA MAY PINTUAN. MALULUNGKOT ANG KANILANG MGA MUKHA. UUMUULAN AT KUMIKIDLAT PA RIN SA LABAS.
EHRIEL
Wow… ang lupit ng plano mo tol..
CLINT
Huwag mo nang idiin pa…
EHRIEL
Si lui ba yung palutang lutang sa may pool
CLINT
Oo, “LUI UMALIS KA JAN BAKA TAMAAN KA NG KIDLAT”
KIKIDLAT NG MALAKAS. SISIGAW SI LUI
EHRIEL AT CLINT
Ouch
BIGLANG MAGBA-BLACKOUT. MAGSISINDI NG LIGHTER SI EHRIEL
EHRIEL
WOW…
END
Filed under: Dolphin Thoughts
endey12: :>
endey12: thanks bru
lui: heheheh…. i got tempted to write… wow ur a geek that got inked…. hehehehe
endey12: haha
endey12: amen!
endey12: :>
lui: dude… kanina ipakita ko sana sau ng mga text ng fubu ko…. she’s a 20 year old volleyball player, worked as call center bitch then resigned and is now a bum, she’sa single mom too….
endey12: haha
endey12: san mo na naman napulot yan?
endey12: 
lui: pinakilala ng friend ko… my wit and charm did the rest hehehe
endey12: hahaha
endey12: nicey
endey12: :>
lui: problem is…. weve been doing it for three weeks now… every weekends at my pad
endey12: uh and then?
lui: then kanina, among the other text… she texted I LOVE YOU DAD… tapos followed by another text na ay tama ba un hehehe….
lui: fubu… fubu thing… dont ever say i love you…
endey12: hala kang bata ka
endey12: uma ilovbeyou na
endey12: whahahaha
lui: i didnt say ilove you back pero mwah and miss u too lang
endey12: anlandi ng bakla
endey12:
lui: she even texted na natatakot daw siya at baka bitawan ko siya kasi nafall na daw siya sa akin and again with the iloveyou…
endey12: omg
lui: im scared… this chick is a class A clinger
endey12: hahahha
endey12: i can just imagine
endey12: lagot ka
endey12: hahahha
lui: anyways her sister is wat more hotter
lui: met her yesterday morning nun hinatid ko siya
endey12: haha
lui: ate niya un
lui: hehehe
endey12: gags ka
endey12: pili naman
endey12: wahahhaha
lui: pero dude… what do i do? i love the sex… just dont know if i can handle the commitment
endey12: tell her
endey12: NOW
endey12: it has to be clear with her
endey12: or else
lui: i cant… my fone is on the glitch rem
endey12: shed expect
endey12: and yari ka na
endey12: use mine
endey12: hahahaha
lui: i know… I LOVE YOU DAD…. that made my balls shrink
lui: how? what?
endey12: DAD
endey12: omg
endey12: she uses pet names already
endey12: youre doomed
lui: the nasty thing is… she totally dished money last sat… we ate dinner, got a couple of drinks… even paid for my bike’s gas…
endey12: omg
endey12: shes investing
endey12: hala ka
endey12: lagot!
lui: kaya nga eh… her past two ex’s are austalian and fil am u.s. marine
endey12: naks
endey12: hahaha
endey12: pnioy naman
endey12: wahahahha
lui: heheheh.. pure filipino still is at the top!
lui: sobra daw tigas…..
lui: ng dating
lui: wahahahha
endey12: hahahahahhaha
endey12: no comment
lui: so sis… how do i break it to her?
endey12: be frank
endey12: kesa maipit ka
endey12: in the process
endey12: hay nako
endey12: pag hinayaan mo yan
endey12: magfifeeling gf yan
endey12: wahahahah
endey12: yari ka na
lui: your probably right…. i hope we can salvage the fubu thing wahahahahaha… like she’s gonna say yes after saying
lui: uhm… dude…. cant really have the commitment thing… but we can always continue the great sex that were having…
lui: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA lolz
endey12: hahahaha
lui: fucking nerve
endey12: that is if she agrees
lui: fuck like i got the balls to say that… i still have a heart
lui: im gonna fucking post this on my blog
lui: hahahaha….
endey12: hahaha
endey12: heart ka jan
endey12: tas pag anjan na
endey12: youd want out
endey12: mas masakit
endey12: besides dapat alam nun girl kung ano pinapasok nya
lui: all is fair in love and war
endey12: true that
Jerk and Jerker .. which is which?
Filed under: LUI's real life SITCOM
The other day I was riding with my bro in his car. As we were cruising along C-5 road heading towards the Market Market mall at the Fort his car’s engine suddenly yelped . The hood suddenly became a flat chimney as it blew thick white smoke all over.
Obviously something was wrong (Lui’s multiple personality number one says: You don’t say? Duh!) so we decided to pull down the side of the road. Both of us got out of the car to take a look at the smoke belching hood.
Then an officer from the Traffic enforcement group riding a big easy rider bike (those HAGAD motorbikes) suddenly popped out of nowhere. I thought he was gonna ticket us or something. Again, as most things in my life, I assumed wrong. Way way wrong….
The cop said, “Nasiraan kayo ng kotse?” (Your car broke down?).
Instantly I frisked my own body and searched all over for a sign or something on me that says “PLEASE ASK OBVIOUS QUESTIONS TO THIS GUY”. I only stopped when my big brother (literally he’s big, I’m taller but his really big, I’m like Yao, his like Yokuzuna, except it’s pure mass) gave me a hard slap on the back of my neck.
What the fuck? Was the cop too stupid to realize that yes our car bugged down. That there is obviously something wrong and anyone can tell because the car hood’s resemble like a smoke shaft as it puffs tremendous amount of smoke.
I instinctively said, “Ay hindeeee! Napagod lang un sasakyan, nag request lang ng yosi break kaya pinagbigyan namin”(No, our car got tired and requested for a quick cigarette break so we gave him a butt)
Again my enormously framed brother gave me another good nape slapping.
The traffic cop went dead silent. He just looked at us. He’s probably thinking that were Dolphy and Panchito’s (Philippine’s Abbot and Costelo) clones.
He just said “Ok” and went on his way.
He said ok. Why on earth did he said ok?
Hell if I know. Damn if I care.
Get my gun I wanna shoot my self in the head right now
Stupid bike riding pig.
